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Icarus and Me

Submitted by hippiemoon on Mon, 2024-05-06 17:07

Maybe I have flown too close to the sun
I never know when to stay and when to run.
Like Icarus, I wear the clouds as my crown.
Don’t get too close, for I will fall and drown.
Under the ocean, I am one with the waves
Swimming deep down under, lost in the caves
I try to surface but to no avail
I try to swim but I can only flail.
Jagged edges cut me, sharp pieces of shells
I thought I was in heaven, but this is hell.
I scream but all that comes out is bubbles
I am alone and surrounded by troubles.
I want to be free, to fly up to the sun
I wish this was over, how soon ‘til it’s done?
Finally, I wash back up on the sand
But I’m still not happy, sky’s better than land
I fasten my wings and soar to the sky
As brash as Icarus, I don’t think I’ll die.
But the wax starts to melt, and I start to fall,
I truly am no better than them all.
So this is the tale of Icarus and me,
If you want it all, you’ll never be free.

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 
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Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 05/05/24 to 05/11/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-05-06 23:10

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Your poem "Icarus and Me" beautifully captures the theme of ambition and the consequences of reaching too high. The imagery of flying too close to the sun like Icarus and then sinking into the depths of the ocean is vivid and evocative. The internal struggle of wanting freedom but facing challenges and ultimately realizing the limitations is effectively portrayed. The use of symbolism with the wings and the wax melting adds depth to the narrative. Consider refining the structure of the poem to enhance the flow and impact of each stanza. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphors or varying rhyme schemes could further enrich the poem. Overall, your piece delves into a timeless theme with a unique perspective.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

MermaidMaster

Tue, 2024-05-07 14:10

you’ve done it again!! blown my mind with your extravagant poetry and beautiful use of words. my my my!! you should feel so proud!
thanks for sharing!!!
best,
MM

<3

hippiemoon

Fri, 2024-05-10 00:18

hippiemoon's picture

Thank you so much for your kind words! Your everlasting support means more to me than you could imagine. I wish you the best!!

Best,
hippiemoon

the moon and the stars made us who we are <3

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