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In the Glimmer
In the glimmer of light, that shines through
the East Texas pines, close to dusk,
I stand still aware of a whisper from an opening
that is allowing the light to shine through.
Who are you, I ask, while a million
electric needles pierce my arms.
“I am the light that is the last warm ray
on the first day of summer, sole proprietor of the sun
and holder of humankind’s destiny.
Don’t you know that just like this flickering fading light,
In a minute, it will be over and you will have
no memory of the darkness closing in.
So reap the magic moments that are like whispers in the night,
remember every brilliant flash that steals your breath away,
even though far away I can embrace you and hold the light
keeping the dark shadows at bay.”
Such is the essence of life, more memory than substance
and more fading light than brilliance!
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
uglywill
Mon, 2016-09-12 00:44
This my work no comment
This my work no comment necessary
author commentuglywill
Mon, 2016-09-12 02:37
stop
stop
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2016-09-20 15:15
Then why did you click on
"I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back"?
and the Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
and especially why post it on a poetry workshop site?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Esker
Wed, 2016-09-21 15:15
ha ha..good one! Elf...
sometimes its hard to recieve comments
I tend to flip out when someone says they
love me or like me or want to have a beer
or spend time with me...
my skin crawls...all due to the emotional
barrages as a child....a mind that does
think like other people...or majority
Im not better....just hard to get from
that far out bus stop I live near
to get to where everyone else lives.
I give up...get sarcastic and bitter
sometimes I got super critized when
I tried to write poetry..they would write
on the same page when I was away
from the typewriter...mocking my
works....putting me down...same
with my paintings...why I gave up
painting...I tried something different
they would say...No one is going to
buy that...why waste your paints
and a board doing that..
imagine if I listened too them
about my poetry...
they got me with my artwork..
But...good news is...We can
comment....you merely say
No need too..
some people are shy
some people are hardened
by life and experiences..
if we were a crowd of people
Elf is very brave
and blunt and intelligent
in his observations but
then that breaks the
ice...I have followed
I will arrive later to
come up with a comment
as your poetry is not
bad at all..very good
in fact..
your poem is my character
actually and I use it as
a defense....as I am
sensitive too a lot of
things....but not allergic
to People...
ha ha
Thank U!