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Free will!
It's an extistential right to have a choice
better to have stentorian voice
to get your views across
and nail it to the cross
some sort of manifesto
to gain your due respect you know
rebuke all your assailants
and vocalize complaints
for many come and many go
beware the ones who lay you low
then stand again uncompromized
your place in life epitomized
when people round don't seem to care
you'll lift your voice
with those who dare
develop lofty paradigmns
capable of changing with the times!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Maybe not much of a poem per se, but possibly something to think about. I've been thinking this way all of my life. Maybe
from percieved abuse that most of us feel.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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South Ogden, Utah
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Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, and all of the poets at neo.
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-02-23 10:10
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem effectively uses rhyme and rhythm to convey its message about the importance of voicing one's opinions and standing up for oneself. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery. While the abstract concepts of choice, voice, and respect are important, they could be more impactful if grounded in specific, tangible examples or scenarios.
Secondly, the poem's language and syntax could be refined for clarity. For instance, the line "to gain your due respect you know" could be rephrased for better flow and comprehension.
Lastly, the poem's theme could be more effectively communicated through a more consistent use of metaphor or symbolism. The cross and the manifesto are introduced but not fully explored, which may leave readers wanting more.
In summary, the poem could be improved by incorporating more concrete imagery, refining its language and syntax, and more consistently using metaphor or symbolism.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Fri, 2024-02-23 09:52
I will agree...
that many people feel this way, and they might think that the way to achieve free will, is to yell loudly and put up a fuss.
I admit to feeling that way myself many times.
Your title is good, the language use equally so.
The pace was fast, but not frantic.
The theme was interesting enough to keep me reading.
and the logic follows through.
Although the absence of capitals and punctuation makes me crazy,
I was not totally overwhelmed. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Leslie
Fri, 2024-02-23 10:18
G.
I don't do well with punctuation, but thanks for your positive comments.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2024-02-23 10:30
Not only...
will our language become one, [with many dialects], but "Universal" or whatever they decide to call it, will continue to evolve, much as all languages do. Annnnd, we will, [if we don't blow ourselves off the face of this beautiful planet], all have golden skin, and dark eyes to protect us better from the effects of our sun. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Sat, 2024-02-24 19:52
Free Will!
Hello, Leslie,
An inspiring poem! Makes me want to speak up for a worthy cause, which I believe is the intent! May I suggest something other than the word "nice' in the opening line? Nice is...nice. But it seems you'd want to start off a bit more powerful and assertive, perhaps something similar to, "It's our right to have a choice" or such. This poem really speaks for itself. I enjoyed this!
L
Leslie
Sun, 2024-02-25 04:35
L,
Thank you as always!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
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