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Freak
Birth dragged me screaming
into this hollow place,
and abandoned me to the cruelty of my own species.
I traverse the surface of this planet,
a solitary mortal, no one needs me,
the sensation overwhelms me.
Desolation
Degradation
Persecution
Isolation
I'm alien amidst the human race
I don't belong,
I'm a freak.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2010-12-29 14:02
crap...
Sounds like you've had a lousy week! Short, but powerful! I just want to give a couple of tweaks, you missed the [o] in desolation, and degr[a]dation is spelled wrong. You have captured the the feeling of being alone, put it in just a few sentences. You always seem to be able to do that. Hope you had a good Christmas, and wishing you, and mom, a Happy New Year. ~ Love ya, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Wed, 2010-12-29 22:20
crap
And here I thought you'd written about my writing lol. Here's hoping your week gets better...............scribbler
Kailashana2
Thu, 2010-12-30 06:57
Freak? No freakin' way! ~A
Freak? No freakin' way!
~A
Nordic cloud
Thu, 2010-12-30 07:07
Great poem as a poem.
I second my colleagues above, but the poem is fine,
well done too.
I like to be a 'freak', well perhaps that's a word too strong
for what I mean, but I do not like to CONFORM to the norm,
am not conservative, but am ready to flow into other paths if they
present themselves and are of interest to me, whether anyone
else thinks anything of them or not! Not afraid to stick out in a
crowd, anymore that is! Never wanted to follow fashions or creeds
of any kind, liked to find my own way of expressing myself,
gleaning things I wished to know, not the PRESCRIBED books etc.
Free of ism's and ready mapped paths, ready for the adventure of life.
That's me!! Love to you 'rock on' Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
lou
Fri, 2010-12-31 05:26
Thank you to all of you
I was just loosening the pressure valve.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Fri, 2010-12-31 07:26
Awwww shirl
Thank you very much.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Fri, 2010-12-31 07:27
Whoops
Duplicate
Xxxxxx
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
ziggy
Sat, 2011-01-01 14:04
hi again
well hello there its good therapy to direct thoughts
as these on to a page , the opening lines really set
the mood here , ill be chatting you soon my dear ,,,,zigs x
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
lou
Sat, 2011-01-01 15:26
Zigs
thanks , speak soon my dear .
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Tue, 2011-01-04 07:47
hi
thanks
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!