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Dreamer's Moon

Submitted by William Lynn on Mon, 2023-10-02 15:53

What is it about the moon on high
That lends itself to song and verse,
And mesmerizes every one of us
As in its beauty we immerse?

The moon cloaks itself in many colors
Silver, gold, and there is blue,
And goes by many varied names;
Snow and wolf and flower too.

The sailor looks to chart his course
While on placid seas he glides,
And the moon is there to offer help
With the ebb and flow of tides.

This globe of unmatched beauty
Guides lovers and dreamers near,
And shares its light for all to see
This wondrous, mystic sphere.

When we think it could not get better
If we view the moon from water's edge,
The moon sends forth its beam to us
As it sends this solemn pledge:

"The gift I give is my beam of light
And it is meant for only you,
To laugh, to love, to think or sing
Or to dream as dreamers do."

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
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Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week October 1st to October 7th 2023
Content level: 
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-10-02 21:53

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Dreamer's Moon" exhibits a strong understanding of traditional poetic structure and rhyme scheme. The consistent ABAB rhyme scheme throughout the poem provides a rhythmic flow that is pleasing to the reader.

The poem effectively uses imagery to describe the moon and its effects on various aspects of life, such as sailing and romance. The use of different names for the moon, such as "Snow", "Wolf", and "Flower", adds a layer of complexity and intrigue. However, it could be beneficial to provide some context or explanation for these names, as their significance may not be immediately clear to all readers.

The poem's theme of the moon as a guide and source of inspiration is clear and well-developed. The final stanza, in which the moon is personified and gives a "solemn pledge", is a strong conclusion that ties together the themes of the poem.

The line "The moon cloaks itself in many colors" could benefit from further development. The colors mentioned - silver, gold, and blue - are not typically associated with the moon, and it's unclear why these colors were chosen. More explanation or context could help clarify this imagery.

The use of the phrase "this wondrous, mystic sphere" is a bit redundant, as the poem has already established the moon's mystic qualities. It could be more effective to use this line to introduce a new idea or image.

Overall, the poem demonstrates a strong command of language and poetic techniques. Its themes are clear and well-developed, and its imagery is generally effective. With some minor adjustments, it could be even more impactful.

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Geezer

Tue, 2023-10-03 00:55

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has never heard of a "Blue Moon". I got the idea right away; it stuck out as a flower on the end of a branch. Can't trust these AI to get it right every time. LoL Nice job. ~ Geezer.
.

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William Lynn

Tue, 2023-10-03 09:40

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Thanks Geezer. AI probably hasn't even consumed a pint of Blue Moon beer. - Will

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Candlewitch

Wed, 2023-10-04 10:52

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I enjoy poems about the moon. and this is splendid! you cannot count on understanding from AI. my favorite aspect of the moon is full, gold and looking like someone bled on it. I also enjoy a bottle of Blue Moon beer now and again!

*hugs, Cat

*
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And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

William Lynn

Wed, 2023-10-04 18:47

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Howdy Cat. Thanks for your comments and I'll toast a pint of Blur Moon Beer and offer a toast to a full gold, bleeding moon!
Cheers. - Will

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