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Balance of Power - Ode to the cellphone March contest
Shiny, streamlined smart
phone, tap, tap, tap.
Tiny, morse messengers, summon
our silicon gods.
Didn’t you know, the world is flat
and reduced
to the palm of a hand?
We have such power.
Sleek, sexy smart
phone, tap, tap, tap.
Hand held, caressed.
Obsessed
we worship
our sugar coated tablet,
which holds such power.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
We don’t call them cell phones in the UK, we call them mobiles.
Of no major significance really, just thought I’d mention.
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
lovedly
Wed, 2018-03-07 03:54
l'ng t'me no c
u ne'r left ur cell no
else I'd could've also
tap tap d'd de
wishes u luck
as winner
l'vdle
sms
me
jane210660
Wed, 2018-03-07 04:50
Hi Lovedly
Been over busy with stuff. Now presenting a local radio show twice a week and I put in crazy hours. Also doing some teaching in amongst. Not been writing at all, but the March competition caught my eye.
Nice to hear from you. Jx
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author commentraj
Wed, 2018-03-07 04:49
Hi Jane
A good take on how these tiny gadgets have come to almost rule human lives..
Best of luck for the contest..
.............................................
regards..
raj (sublime_ocean)
jane210660
Wed, 2018-03-07 04:51
Hi Raj
Thanks and nice to hear from you. Jx
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author commentEumolpus
Wed, 2018-03-07 11:12
hello
happy to see you again.
I did not know that about mobiles. For us that's those Calder like sculptures you hang from the ceiling!
I like your poem but to need more to know what that power is..is it power over us? power to change the world for good or bad?
..
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
jane210660
Wed, 2018-03-07 12:10
Hi Eumolpus
Nice to hear from you.
I disagree - you have to work it out for yourself. I'm not spoon feeding the reader.
To me, it's perfectly obvious, if it's a bit obscure to others, then maybe they have to think about it a bit.
Language is a funny old thing isn't it? Mobiles here are also the decorative things you hang from the ceiling. Originally mobiles were called 'mobile phones' and it just got shortened to mobiles as time wore on. Jx
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author commentGeezer
Wed, 2018-03-07 12:54
I liked it...
and until I read your reply, wanted you to say more about what and why, myself. I then went back and asked myself all the questions I had for you, the author and found that I was pretty good at giving myself the answers I wanted. ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
jane210660
Wed, 2018-03-07 13:10
Hi Gee
Bless you. What a great comment.
Lovely to see you as well. Jx
Well metaphorically see you. x
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author commentweirdelf
Wed, 2018-03-07 13:20
-.-. --- --- .-.. / -. .. -.-
-.-. --- --- .-.. / -. .. -.-. . / - --- / ... . . / -.-- --- ..- / .--. --- ... - .. -. --. / .- --. .- .. -. .-.-.- / .- .-. . / -.-. .... .. .--. ... / ... - .. .-.. .-.. / -- .- -.. . / --- ..-. / ... .. .-.. .. -.-. --- -. ..--.. / ... .. --. -. / --- ..-. / - .... . / - .. -- . ... .-.-.- / .. .----. ...- . / .- .-.. .-- .- -.-- ... / .... .- -.. / .- / .--. .- -. .. -.-. / .- - - .- -.-. -.- / .. ..-. / .. / .-.. . ..-. - / - .... . / .... --- ..- ... . / .-- .. - .... --- ..- - / .- / -... --- --- -.- .-.-.- / -. --- .-- / .. / -. . . -.. / .- / -... --- --- -.- / .- -. -.. / -- -.-- / .--. .... --- -. . .-.-.-
(https://morsecode.scphillips.com/translator.html)
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
jane210660
Wed, 2018-03-07 13:32
Jess
She says laughing her socks off, I think we all panic.
Clever aren’t ‘they’
By the way, I loved the soporific tones of your message.
Generally I prefer potato chips,these damn silicon ones are just too dry.
Jxx
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author commentObadiah Grey
Fri, 2018-03-09 14:09
Hello, Jane.
Hello, Jane.
You've captured my hatred for these damned things! I have two, one is a personal, one is a work phone, I take great delight in switching both off.
Obi.
jane210660
Sat, 2018-03-10 16:42
Very wise Obi
I agree completely. How sad us it that that’s things rule our lives. Jx
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author commentraj
Sat, 2018-03-10 16:50
Jane
instead of "how things rule our lives" i believe that "some things addict us"... in my opinion brings to the fore how we are slaves to a habit...its amazing how these small devices take control of our lives....those who are able to use discretion in their use stand to gain...
................
raj (sublime_ocean)
jane210660
Tue, 2018-03-13 19:26
I think.....
The crux of the poem is that smart phones give us such incredible power, in that the world is literally held in the palm of our hand. Phones give us knowledge, knowledge is power. They are a dangerous tool.
But whilst we think we have ‘tamed’ the untameable, the phone manufacturers have in fact had the last laugh. They have subjugated the majority of the population. Toooooo many people are controlled by their phones.
It really is a massive double entendre. Jxx
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Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
author commentChiori
Mon, 2018-04-02 06:46
is like a god seriously
is like a god seriously
always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing
jane210660
Thu, 2018-04-05 02:47
Hi Chion
Is that -Like a god seriously or
Like a god seriously?
Cheers Jane
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Remember we are a workshop site.
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author commentvalene
Mon, 2018-04-02 09:59
with you Jane, in all you say
within your poem and replies...
...hooray!
Best by far, and of wishes.
v
x
jane210660
Thu, 2018-04-05 02:45
Hi Valene
So good to hear from you and I’m glad we see eye to eye. Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
author commentraj
Mon, 2018-04-02 15:01
Congratulations Jane
for being a worthy winner of the March Contest.
Keep smiling..
...........................
raj (sublime_ocean)
jane210660
Thu, 2018-04-05 02:44
Wow
Thanks for that Raj - I hadn’t realised I’d won. Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2018-04-09 01:16
Congrats!
Dig it and well earned, remember to click on the highlighted word 'congrats' when you see it on Facebook, it's fun.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry