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and children cry (triolet - May contest)
As sirens sound and children cry,
mosquitos ravage, dropping doom.
A ragged doll stares at the sky
as sirens sound and children cry.
Their winter's come. About to die,
they don't know why; for what; for whom.
As sirens sound and children cry,
mosquitos ravage, dropping doom.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Western Australia
Favorite Poets
Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story
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Comments
raj
Fri, 2016-05-13 14:37
good to see you back Judyanne
good to see you back Judyanne
no wonder because when the contest is about a tough form like a Triolet you just can't hold back :)
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Sat, 2016-05-14 04:43
lol - hi Raj
Thanks for the visit and comment
no - my muses are still absent and the triolet was a challenge I couldn't refuse
I try out poetry for the contests as they give me an idea of something to write, else my brain is dry for subjects and themes...
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2016-05-13 17:08
This is...
a great form for this subject! I like everything about it! Nice to see you! ~ Gee.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
judyanne
Sat, 2016-05-14 04:44
nice to see you too Gee
Thanks for the visit and very kind comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentKeith Logan
Sat, 2016-05-14 00:34
Excellent..
I can no longer be bothered writing to rigid forms like this but can appreciate reading a well made poem even within such strict parameters, so well done.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
judyanne
Sat, 2016-05-14 04:45
hello Keith
Thank you very much for the very supportive comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentPugilist
Tue, 2016-05-31 14:14
"I can no longer be bothered writing to rigid forms like this"
Keith,
I'm certain you do not mean to be dismissive but I ask you, had someone written:
"I can no longer be bothered to waste my time with the pointless meandering of free verse . . ."
Would you consider that a valid point?
Me, as a poet, I can write in any style or form to any topic. And although I do not enjoy the applications of the Acrostic form, I do not dismiss it nor demean those who enjoy it. I will, gladly, judge any poorly written piece in any form or style, but I do not dismiss a class of poetry as beneath me.
That is the message your reply is sending.
---------------------------------------------------------
Jonathan Moore
vandiemenspeak
Sat, 2016-05-14 02:41
Really effective word use..
The symbol of the mosquito is particularly effective, nice work. Haven't looked at this form much before, but this is really well put together.
Thanks :)
Chris
Chris Hall - Tasmania
Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.
judyanne
Sat, 2016-05-14 04:46
thanks Chris
for the visit and very kind and supportive comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentbrittle light
Sat, 2016-05-14 07:22
Hi, Judy
the image of mosquitos dropping doom, automatically makes me think of WW2
I don't know if others, being younger, would get this reference, and I'm not even sure if you intended it..but, it does add a layer, affecting my reaction to the poem;
a strong emotional resonance
you're kinda smart, aren't ya? (well, its always been obvious to me)
Al
judyanne
Sat, 2016-05-14 07:56
hello Al
I probably had more in mind the jet fighters of today.... but WW2 works just as well....
So glad you resonated with this - thanks for the compliment
As for 'smart' .... lol
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentbrittle light
Sat, 2016-05-14 10:53
just a point of information:
just a point of information: the deHavilland Mosquito, a wooden framed light bomber was one of the most influential planes of the war. It was built and designed by the British, and also used by Australian forces.
Al
judyanne
Sun, 2016-05-15 03:55
thanks Al
Interesting
I know about the de Havilland - wasn't it one of those the Dambusters used?
i wasn't aware that it was a wooden-framed plane though
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentjane210660
Sun, 2016-05-15 04:18
The dam busters used
The dam busters used Lancaster Bombers.
My dad's cousin was one of the pilots who flew with Guy Gibson on that raid.
I have no connection with that side of the family though. Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
judyanne
Sun, 2016-05-15 04:28
hi Jane
Thanks for the info
wow - a relative of a hero. Good enough for me, even if you have nothing to do with that side of the tree xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentSparrow
Sun, 2016-05-15 04:35
Judy
When you see the aircraft that fly on special occasions there you will see the Spitfire Hurricane and the Lancaster which is the large four engine one this is the Battle of Britain flight. Many of the aircraft in those days were made of wood and canvas, the top trade was the carpenter, just before the war and during the war the aircraft developed into metal ones.
Barnes Wallace who designed the metal frames for aircraft, so that they could be made lighter, also made the bouncing bomb that was used in the Dam busters aircraft, I met him at RAF Manby many years ago, he use to come to our Station to give lectures.
The Mosquito mentioned was a lighter aircraft that had two engines and was for accurate raids that only needed smaller Bombs, the Lancaster carried a load of around 12 tons max.
Anyway I have left war machines behind thank goodness, but a life of working on aircraft and around them takes you to many places.
Take care out there and know we thin of you ,
Yours Ian..x
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
jane210660
Sat, 2016-05-14 12:31
This gives me an image of the
This gives me an image of the holding camps for all the refugees currently homeless in Europe. Desperate places, with a tragic sense of no hope, all spark of life beaten out.
Of course, you might have had an entirely different meaning :-)
Note smiley face
Jxx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
judyanne
Sun, 2016-05-15 03:59
:-)
As long as it images war and its consequences..... then the metaphors worked
thanks Jane
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentjane210660
Sun, 2016-05-15 04:29
Yes they are victims of war.
Sorry I didn't make it clear on my original comment. I was thinking of the current war in the Middle East So yes the refugees are all victims of war. Hundreds of thousands of people fleeing their home country to escape the current bombing and shooting in places like Syria.
I think it just brings the desperation of the whole war thing home to me. Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
judyanne
Sun, 2016-05-15 04:30
oh no, you made it clear
I was actually just saying, in too cryptic a way it seems, that yes your interpretation works
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentjane210660
Sun, 2016-05-15 04:39
Nah, I'm just thick :-) Jx
Nah, I'm just thick :-) Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
Rula
Sun, 2016-05-15 00:16
Absolutely clever
Judy. A piece I've wished I've written.
I can relate to each word here.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes dear.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
judyanne
Sun, 2016-05-15 04:04
thank you so much Rula
a great compliment from you especially...
I think a cardinal rule of writing is that one must write about what one knows.
So far i have been privileged to not know war first hand, only what I have seen from a distance
For you to say you would have liked to have written this... well, my head swells :-)
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
author commentKeith Logan
Sun, 2016-05-15 07:40
Sage advice
"I think a cardinal rule of writing is that one must write about what one knows."
precisely what Jane Austen told her niece, an aspiring writer at the time
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
judyanne
Sun, 2016-05-15 23:41
oops
Did I unknowingly plagiarize Jane Austin?
ooo-aah ...lol
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
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