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Believe it or Not

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Wed, 2011-09-28 02:48

You hope the one you're with
is true, but
know it's just delusions.
give benefits of doubt, but
is often wrong

Rug you stand on
steps rely on
fallen ladder from roof top
leave you stranded
on dry rotted shingles

Home of hopes, dreams
cherished memorable fruits
faded love on dead stems
sit idle in stained vase
no longer haven for marriage vows

Nest is empty
birds, damaged feathers
return home, tattered
weathering the storm
of life tragic lessons

no matter state of affairs
all will be well, because
i still live
free of regrets, and grudges
believe it or not

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Last few words:

in a down spiral. writing is good therapy

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Wed, 2011-09-28 04:11

I believe it.

It seems with this you might be working towards longer, more in depth poems, which would be a natural progression for you.

Just a couple of grammar errors
You hope the one you with [you're with]
know its just delusions. [it's]
is often wrong [they're often]

lovely imagery, well expressed.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Barbara Writes

Wed, 2011-09-28 04:35

thanks

i will make the change.
thanks for the suggestion and ctit
they as well as other here have helped me alot

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2011-09-29 03:35

has already given critique on the parts I would have, I will just say that I think I know where this write comes from. My wife and I have children who are grown and left the house only to come back when their feathers get ragged and torn. Seeking comfort of the old home front. It is frustrating to see this, but we help when we can. I just wish it wasn't so often! Good work, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Barbara Writes

Thu, 2011-09-29 04:11

thnks Gee

you are right on
with your comment
thanks for reading and sharing. i really appreciate

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

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Believe it or Not