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Submitted by calliope on 16 October 2007 - 3:50pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
The gentle waves,
are breathing,
A man,
his chest is heaving,
A spiders web,
he’s weaving,
Excuse me,
I was just leaving.
There are those,
who’ve been deceiving,
There are truths,
proved unbelieving,
Yet,you’re blind,
to what you’re seeing,
Excuse me,
I was just leaving.
Condemnation,
is not redeeming,
Judgment,
is what it’s seeming,
With rage,
your heart is teeming,
Excuse me,
I was just leaving.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
(1 vote)
I love this
some will tell you that using -ing as a rhyme is a strict no-no, but I use it myself shamelessly. I hear feeling and see clear enunciation of your intent.
A pleasure to read.
cheers,
Jess
“Are we having fun yet?”