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you can go now
and all the words
are falling
through the floor
water is seeping
into every crack
walls bulge
with wide-eyed
ideals
no matter what
you won't be back
it's ok though
i can handle that
as a matter
of fact
it wasn't you
who broke
through
for every pane
for every ache
it's all still intact
did i ever mention
the way you
affected every
little thing i did,
i do-
all your
well-placed
anger
wrapped up
tight
in fourth
of july lights
handed down
your misery
held on
to some place;
some place we
could spend a night
believing it was
eternity
the poems are
dying now
words? they don't come
and even october
with its rainy mouth of grey
all fade
all fade
away
it's okay though
it's all okay
you can go
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Direction):
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
Melbourne, Australia
Favorite Poets
Bukowski, Neruda, Rumi, Gibran, Jeffers, Corso, Waldman, Kerouac
Comments
Race_9togo
Sun, 2011-03-27 22:18
CCfire
Welcome indeed. This poem is excellent, and needs no editing, as far as I can see. Is this an old one of your's?
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
CCfire
Sun, 2011-03-27 22:32
Hi and thanks Jim, yes I have
Hi and thanks Jim, yes I have a few from the past few months of postings on AP that I would like some critiques on although this one is a finished one, a new keen eye sometimes spots things lol...I haven't done a lot of writing lately as I have been searching for a new home with new people to read and meet.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentBonitaj
Mon, 2011-03-28 02:17
Hello CCf!
and WELCOME on board. You have a very distinct style of writing as I can see from the various pieces you have posted. Variations on a theme you do so well! I like you work and hope to see more of it!
CHeers
Bonitaj
CCfire
Mon, 2011-03-28 02:26
Thanks Bonita
I am happy to be a part of this new community and look forward to contributing more as the site gets up and running again. Nice to meet you :)
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentBonitaj
Mon, 2011-03-28 02:18
Hello CCf
and WELCOME on board. You have a very distinct style of writing as I can see from the various pieces you have posted. Variations on a theme you do so well! I like you work and hope to see more of it!
CHeers
Bonitaj
Esker
Mon, 2011-03-28 13:30
jump to jump
drew this link from your comment
I enjoy your style of writing
as its similar to one I use
must go on a run downtown for
one of my "girls"
but shall return tommorrow
for more commenting
Thank You
CCfire
Mon, 2011-03-28 20:44
Hi Esker
Thank you, I have read one of yours and I thoroughly enjoyed your style as it is similar, I look forward to more reading of you in the near future.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentRoscoe Lane
Mon, 2011-03-28 14:27
Yet again,
Yet again your talent shines, another great poem. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
CCfire
Mon, 2011-03-28 20:45
Thank you Roscoe, you are too
Thank you Roscoe, you are too kind.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentCCfire
Mon, 2011-04-04 02:55
Thanks J
Actually it flows pretty well with 'with' so thanks for the tip. :)
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentCCfire
Mon, 2011-04-04 03:04
lol good pick up
A play on words Ian..not many see it though...good get :P
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
author commentscribbler
Mon, 2011-04-04 19:44
hello
This is probably just a personal thing, but I think a few of the lines could be combined to good affect. Otherwise an enjoyable read.....................scribbler