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Running brushes
For you my ink would never stop running
For you're the only one in my mind
That could make my feelings overflow
And my heart fill with black ink
Ink that just needs to spill.
Sometimes I listen to the beat of my heart
Before I eventually remember what I want
I only need the soft sound of your heart
To make me snap out of my thoughts
As you're the one who brings me back to reason
When you smoothly write on my skin
You brush the teardrops off my cheeks
I can finally feel alive and burning
As long as you're with me I'm like in a dream
And nothing will bring me back to my reality
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
Last few words:
As English is not my native language, I'm convinced that there might be more precise words that I don't know yet. Writing is the base for honing my language skills, so I accept every criticizing aspect.
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2024-04-29 13:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Running brushes," employs a metaphorical language to express deep emotions and feelings. The metaphor of ink and writing is used throughout the poem to symbolize the speaker's emotions and the influence of the addressee on them. However, the effectiveness of this metaphor could be enhanced with more consistency and clarity. For instance, the transition from "my heart fill with black ink" to "you smoothly write on my skin" could be more logically connected to maintain the coherence of the metaphor.
The poem also uses a variety of poetic techniques such as personification ("my feelings overflow") and simile ("I'm like in a dream"). However, the use of these techniques could be more purposeful. For example, the personification of feelings could be further developed to create a stronger emotional impact.
The structure of the poem could also be improved. The poem seems to lack a clear progression or development of ideas. The thoughts and emotions expressed in the poem appear somewhat disjointed, which may make it difficult for readers to follow and understand the speaker's emotions and experiences.
Lastly, the poem contains a few typographical errors ("my realiity") that should be corrected to maintain the professionalism and readability of the poem.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively uses metaphorical language and poetic techniques to express deep emotions, it could be improved by enhancing the consistency and clarity of the metaphor, making more purposeful use of poetic techniques, improving the structure, and correcting typographical errors.
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