Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Remember Who We Were?

Submitted by William Lynn on Wed, 2023-10-11 11:56

As I listen to the news of late
I hang my head and wonder,
Whatever has become of us
Have our values gone asunder?

The right can't stand the left
The left can't stand the right,
Instead of trying for common goals
We are ready for a fight.

It goes so far beyond the pale
As we quickly assign the blame,
To neighbors or our former friends
When once we thought the same.

A time when we could have our say
About the news and so much more,
A civil talk about our mixed opinions
Our differences we would explore.

We respected folks in leadership
Listened to opposing points of view,
We tried our best to compromise
Or to learn and grow anew.

I hope that soon we'll see a time
When we remember who we were,
And reach out beyond our differences
So the best in us can reoccur.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week October 8th to October 14th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2023-10-11 18:00

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Remember Who We Were?" effectively utilizes a consistent rhyme scheme (ABAB) and meter, which helps to maintain a steady rhythm throughout. This consistency is important in creating a pleasant reading experience and conveying the message clearly.

The theme of societal division and longing for unity is a relevant and powerful topic. The poem does well to express this sentiment, however, it could benefit from more specific imagery and metaphors to evoke stronger emotional responses from the reader. For example, instead of stating "The right can't stand the left / The left can't stand the right," the poem could use metaphors or similes to depict this division in a more vivid and impactful way.

The poem could also benefit from a more varied vocabulary. Using more diverse language can make the poem more engaging and can help to express the theme in a more nuanced way. For example, the word "stand" is used twice in the same context, which can make the poem feel repetitive.

The concluding stanza offers a hopeful resolution to the conflict presented in the poem. However, it could be more effective if it were more specific about what "the best in us" looks like. This would give the reader a clearer vision of the desired future the poem is advocating for.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more exploration of the speaker's personal experiences or emotions. This could help to make the poem more relatable and emotionally engaging for the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Thu, 2023-10-12 14:33

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

Hello, William,
A very moving poem. I, too, hope we remember who we once were, and become better in the process. Thank you for this.
L

William Lynn

Thu, 2023-10-12 22:22

William Lynn's picture

Thanks Lavender. Hope springs eternal. We can all hope and work to be our better selves. I appreciate your comments. Will

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.