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Reluctance
`
The night has fallen around us
The wind it savagely blows;
A wicked mood is cast upon me,
One from which I cannot go.
Against the night, orbs on lamp posts loom,
Flickering forth a sickly yellow light;
A storm from deep within advances,
Still no hope for me to go.
Heavy leaded clouds drape the sky,
The paving just as dark below;
Such sight it fails to move me:
I cannot, will not go.
`
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
A darkish offering to sink your poetic teeth into. Written in a quite traditional rather Brontean tone but still entertainingly haunting to the shadows of the psyche. Hope you enjoy.
Editing stage:
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Comments
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-12-23 02:11
Thanks for
not giving in to reluctance! Your support and kind words are much appreciated. CB
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'write on! let these words free.'
author commentloved
Thu, 2010-12-23 14:06
if i were to give a sexual
meaning
you would laugh
as you alaways do
reluctantly let it flow
and down the drain go
but go slow!
loved
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-12-23 17:59
Interesting approach!
However did you arrive at that LH? :-)
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'write on! let these words free.'
author commentloved
Thu, 2010-12-23 20:58
U KNOW THAT WELL
Over the past many days
the messages did say
what lh now
such an interesting approach
does
upon ur mind encroach
if i'm wrong
man,
u must be really strong
loved
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-12-23 22:20
my memory
does not go far back to the early 90's when I wrote this first.
And if recollection serves it was more an existential angst that drove it.
If anyone desires to traverse the Freudian path on this, they are free to do so.
It won't change a thing. :-)) Or would it? LOL
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentloved
Thu, 2010-12-23 23:04
then i wouldn't know 1990
i write poems
on the spur of the moment
that's only my imagination
knowing u for a wee wee while
ur style
i thought so
u may not accept
if it isn't so
i'll delete it if u say so or perhaps let it go
loved
crypticbard
Fri, 2010-12-24 07:10
what's to delete?
There's always something quite interesting to discuss around here.
The more the tangent, oftentimes, the merrier. :-))
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentEduardo Cruz
Thu, 2010-12-23 18:08
Reluctance
I read this twice, and I see a lot of ways to go perssay.
1- that it's fear that holds you there
2-you are a prisoner of love and it's slave
3-the bond between two people facing the world alone
please explain to me what it is here, because I am easily confused?
always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-12-23 18:51
Bravo Eduardo
All three are valid and and quite correct to the original intent of the poem. There comes a time when we must with poetic faith trust in the Reader within us. It is ever rare that this guide would steer us wrong. Should you be aware of the Brontean milieu, that will confirm your three interpretations immediately. Cheers, CB
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'write on! let these words free.'
author commentEduardo Cruz
Thu, 2010-12-23 19:28
Please!!
Just Eddie is fine.
thank you for the conformation of my train of thought!
Always Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-12-23 22:08
Thanks Eddie
con mucho gusto....
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentHooded Stranger
Mon, 2011-01-17 18:33
CB
CB,
very vivid imagery in this one (maybe a little short, I would have liked a longer piece on this subject)
I think Eddie has summed up the write extremely well in his comment and covered all the possible angles...leaving to simply say -
dark and powerful with frightening undertones.
Loved it!
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
crypticbard
Fri, 2011-01-21 06:04
Quite right HS
each rereading of the poem makes one wonder if it is not long enough. Maybe one day it shall be given the foreseen extension/s. Plus there is that cumbersome gait of the first line of the second stanza.
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'write on! let these words free.'
author comment