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Reach
Reach
for the dream
to achieve
the prestigious medal
of the triumphant,
the world's acknowedgement
of being a champion,
recorded in history,
a moment to be proud of
by warriors of the arena,
representing their countries
with courage to strive
beyond their limits
to be the best
that they can be
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Thu, 2015-04-30 09:07
25th of April was "Australia Day"
when we acknowledge men who died in war. Whilst honouring the heroism of men in uniform the phrase "They gave their life for their country". It is a lie. Their lives were taken.
I do realise the poem is far more than that and it a strong piece, powerfully written. The allegory could perhaps be reinforced.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
alidzain
Thu, 2015-04-30 14:12
Hi Jess
This poem is a tribute to the athletes for the upcoming sports event in my country. that is why there's the lines
"of being a champion,
recorded in history,"
Alid
weirdelf
Thu, 2015-04-30 16:37
Given the significance of the date in Australia
I hope you forgive my misreading.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
alidzain
Fri, 2015-05-01 06:05
Jess
no prob. I can see why you made the mistake.
Alid
lovedly
Thu, 2015-04-30 09:24
b happy& congrats
jess for once is sharing flowers
read my
Paint me red
and
do comment.... I like ur sincerity
write one on Nepal UR good
hows health?
weirdelf
Thu, 2015-04-30 12:26
I am not a laureate.
I can not write in this tragedy, sorry.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
judyanne
Thu, 2015-04-30 23:19
Alid
Well written
But it is a bit of a word wall atm....
I think it needs to be broken into a few stanzas in order that the reader gets a chance to breath and take in each part....
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
alidzain
Fri, 2015-05-01 15:51
Hi Judy
done it. What do you think?
Alid
Rula
Fri, 2015-05-01 13:18
Well done brother
I thought you can translate this into many languages.
Very motivational indeed to any athlete.
Bravo!!!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
alidzain
Fri, 2015-05-01 13:34
Salam, Rula
thanks for the suggestion and the visit.
Alid
raj
Fri, 2015-05-01 14:52
liked it
liked it
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Fri, 2015-05-01 15:54
Thanks, Raj
for the visit, the read and the feedback.
Alid