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raw cherry monsoon

when we are in love
we are raw red hearts
bleeding
exposed to the flesh
of the night air
in crisp, sharp breaths
ventricles open wide
as its beats paint
the stars crimson,
skylit rubies
baring all
peeled back touch
of cells like
the muck of our guts
spilled out yet
somehow contained

My insides are
braided, like veins
pumping life into universes
receiving the tender fire
of your jeweled, earthy words
rising to meet each kiss
like an abulation

I am
boiling cherry broth
in this heat-licked ice
that melts upon the tongue
in salted frenzy,
delightful

Wash over me
Hold me in cupped hands,
gently
Take me by the tips of
my soul's hips,
firmly
for I am at risk
of being pulled into
the sweeping monsoon
of
your
forever

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

Very physical and emotional at the same time.

Not sure we need the last 3 lines. A person's forever is a bit abstract for me in such a physical poem. would end it:

Wash over me
Hold me in cupped hands,
gently
Take me by the tips of
my soul's hips,
firmly
for I am at risk
of being pulled into
the sweeping monsoon

This is nice writing by a real poet. Thanks.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Thank you!! I really appreciate your lovely words!. I will take your suggestion into consideration, although I admit that "into your forever" seals the deal for me..I mean, I truly feel that way, you know?
I really do want to , and am often, swept away by his forever. :) But I do know what you mean about the physical and abstract. Thank you for taking the time to be so thoughtful :).

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