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The Race
At the starting line,
My heart beats in anticipation.
This is the moment of truth,
a chance to be a champion
After months of training,
the time is finally here
Let the world witness
the fruits of my labour
The sound of the gun heard
the race started with a burst of speed.
The fans roared in excitement
as track warriors compete
I'm not running here
I'm flying! Soaring against the wind
For the fans who believed in me
I will spread my wings
The last lap is approaching
muscles screaming, seconds ticking
To God, I sent a silent plea,
give me strength in my hour of need
My spirit is rising
my arms are spreading.
Will I embrace glory
or will I succumb to defeat?
At the last moment,
everything else ceased
I charged ahead
the hunter's will unleashed
My body feels like jelly
as my knees buckled under me.
All I could do is breathe
as weariness took over me
Lying on the ground,
my voice eludes me
I see my coach smiling
as he approaches me
There is pride in his eyes
as he congratulates me
while I find myself speechless,
consumed by the emotions in me
Today,
I have embraced
Glory
Comments
Rula
Sat, 2014-02-08 09:16
I like this Khalid
Many good verses, I can't choose but I really loved how you have stated the winning feelings. I thought the last two stanzas are very lively indeed.
For the last few lines "Today,
I have embraced
Destiny"
I thought maybe "glory" works better than "destiny", but it depends on the meaning you want to convey of course.
Thanks for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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alidzain
Sat, 2014-02-15 07:36
Hi Rula
I've done a haiku entitled "winter". Would like to hear your suggestion for improvement as this is my first haiku I have ever written.
Alid
alidzain
Sat, 2014-02-08 14:18
Thanks, Rula
thank you, Rula. I am glad you like it.
Alid
raj
Sun, 2014-02-09 05:40
Alid
Apparently this poem could well have been inspired b the Olympic spirit which you have scripted nicely through this poem....I suggest you replace "spectators" and/or "people" with "fans" in S4L3 and S4L3...
nicely done...
regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Sun, 2014-02-09 06:20
thanks, raj
thanks raj. I've edited it
Alid
raj
Sun, 2014-02-09 07:27
Good to know Alid that you
Good to know Alid that you found the suggestion worthy of change...
keep writing, keep expressing through the gateway of your poems...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Sun, 2014-02-09 07:01
raj
LOL. You mean "good to know", right? :)
Alid
raj
Sun, 2014-02-09 07:28
Oh sorry, I did mean "good to
Oh sorry, I did mean "good to know" and corrected the spello ...lol
raj (sublime_ocean)
alidzain
Sun, 2014-02-23 11:11
Hi, everyone
I've discussed this piece with one of my ex-teachers. She sugested that I take away all my ' I ' ( personal) pronouns and leave my sentences choppy, very short and in a way a little disjointed, to illustrate the breathlessness as if I'm taking quick gasps of breath with the pounding anticipation of a competitor and leave just one or 2 references to myself (eg my fans roaring ) to show it is first-person
Would that style better help to capture the heightened tension of the runner? Most runners don't think in full sentences ... What do you think?
Eg
... starting line...
... heartbeat in anticipation...
... moment of truth...
... chance to be a champion
Alid