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PATCHWORK QUILT--second update
PATCHWORK QUILT
colors fading
into grey
edges frayed
and stitches torn
to undone
no use to anyone
pieces old and worn
good to clean up.
metamorphsis into rag
then to ashes
then to dust.
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Mon, 2012-09-03 18:16
Nice revisions
This struck me in an unexpected way. I still think of myself mentally as about 20, but old and frayed as I am, I can still keep someone warm.
You bastard! You made me confront my own physical aging. A perfect allegory.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Geremia
Mon, 2012-09-03 19:12
How good are you at math ? I
How good are you at math ? I was born October 19, 1942, You're just a kid, buddy-boy. :)
P.S. I still don't like the ending of the poem.
Joe
P.S. P.S. That is a recent photo, ya'll .Damn if I don't beat all !
ya'll is southern American for "you all."
Ian.T
Mon, 2012-09-03 18:34
Joe
Maybe that is the only thing old people can do no matter how frayed they are they still have the ability to keep someone warm in both physical and in thoughts,
Yours Ian.T
PS:- one small typo Warn instead of Worn Line 5
And I liked the piece being a little older than Jess at 25 LOL
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Geremia
Mon, 2012-09-03 19:03
Ian, yee be a wee older than
Ian, yee be a wee older than me, laddy. :0
will fix typo
scribbler
Mon, 2012-09-03 23:41
hi Joe
We old frayed folks are the most comfortable to snuggle up with. Now if I can just remember Why snuggling is good.................................lol.............stan
Ian.T
Tue, 2012-09-04 02:49
Stan
I tore my old dictionary up when I got to the "F" word so whats this Snuggle thing ???? Yours Ian.E
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Geremia
Tue, 2012-09-04 04:58
You knw the old sayn, Stan:
You knw the old sayn, Stan: "There may be snow on the roof, but the fire still burns insde."
weirdelf
Tue, 2012-09-04 05:51
I can see why you're not quite happy with last linr
it still keeps you warm.
perhaps
it could still keep you warm.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Geremia
Tue, 2012-09-04 08:14
Yes, I may just eliminate it.
Yes, I may just eliminate it.
thanks,kid :)