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My Love.....
Tell me why the sky is blue
why am i falling for you
im scared of getting hurt i dont want to get burnd .
my heart is like glass once u break it you can never fix it
im cautious. i try and try to get you out of my mind its hopless
like a blade rusted into the earth its impossible to get rid of thats
my love for you impossible to get over so let consume.
I may be shy but not with you
i may be scared but only for you
my love is so strong nothing can break it
only you.
Dont be scared to love me
ill love you for everything
i love you for your
sweetness
ur laugh
And just completely everything.
even the small things you think i dont notice.
There is no need to be strong
Its not wrong to cry
i wanna wipe away ur tears
i Iove you too much to imagine
its funny to say i miss you when we never met but its hard to believe
i know ive seen your face in a lovely dream and yet were in love.
People may say your to young to knw what love is
Truth is you never are your heart still beats
i cant breathe when i hear your voice .
i Wanna cry when i hear you cry .
it makes me smile knowing im the cause of yours.
im yours and your mine
until the end of time
and even then when we are no longer breathing
its still you my sweet dreams will be of.
forever and always my love.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
hey guys yay another poem i hope you enjoy it i wrote this for my boyfriend he was going through a rough time and i wanted to let him not how i feel about him so what better way than to express what words cant thats what im best at enjoy comment ~rachel
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
omaha ne
Favorite Poets
hmm dont really have any although Edger Allen Poe is really good i love his whole dark out look. But i mostly like to read one written by people my age.
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Comments
LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe
Thu, 2012-03-22 21:51
HELLO PEOPLE READ ME!
yes this is a love poem its kinda what im known for enjoy
author commentEduardo Cruz
Thu, 2012-03-22 23:07
Welcome to neopoet,
Welcome to neopoet,
I have to be honest you are expressing a great deal of love, but the meter is off, the construction doesn't help. you begin fine as if your going to use a western style then you go somewhere else. I don't feel the true emotion of it. For me it only sounds like words. it doesn't touch me. I see how you are professing undying love. Why not let it come from deep inside and paint a picture with your words that all can see.
let me ask you is there someone you truly feel this way about? why not write to that person and not to us, in this way we will feel we are that person and we will feel the emotion in it. this poem should be about you.
I don't want to be harsh, and I know this is your poem. This is just my opinion it does not mean I am right or wrong. Only you know that. try and read it aloud a few times I think you'll see what I am talking about.
re-structure it, and stick to one meter and one style. Please do not be offened, this is a workshop and I am only trying to help.
Eddie
...
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe
Fri, 2012-03-23 19:51
i do this for fun i see what
i do this for fun i see what u mean but writng is somthing i love and i would like to share it with u ppl
author commentEduardo Cruz
Sun, 2012-04-08 20:56
writing
If you love writing and wish to share it with us. then also love the texture of the wrtten word. In using it correctly you will find that people here are more receptive. it will show that you have respect for the written language.
Try and write using everything you've learned of words and their cadance. you have good subject matter, but your writing skills are not being used to there potencial. read sweetie read, and comment to get understanding we are all here to help. let your free spirit fly with wings of good grammar.
do not be offended I am going to help you any way I can if you are open to it, and so will evryone else.
in the end this is a poetry workshop. speaking of that you should join the ones we have here you will learn alot.
let the metamorphosis, like a spring butterfly begin!
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2012-04-08 20:56
writing
If you love writing and wish to share it with us. then also love the texture of the wrtten word. In using it correctly you will find that people here are more receptive. it will show that you have respect for the written language.
Try and write using everything you've learned of words and their cadance. you have good subject matter, but your writing skills are not being used to there potencial. read sweetie read, and comment to get understanding we are all here to help. let your free spirit fly with wings of good grammar.
do not be offended I am going to help you any way I can if you are open to it, and so will evryone else.
in the end this is a poetry workshop. speaking of that you should join the ones we have here you will learn alot.
let the metamorphosis, like a spring butterfly begin!
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe
Wed, 2012-04-11 18:10
thank you
i see what you mean thank you verry much
author commentNordic cloud
Sat, 2012-03-24 16:36
Someone's in LOVE
Yow, you are so in love that the words are coming like waterfalls tearing your thoughts along with the flow and bumping against grammar syncopated with breaths and cries, well maybe at a later date you could pullit together a little bit, but its a romp as it is.
Nordic cloud.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe
Sat, 2012-04-07 12:59
thank you
thank you verry much :)
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2012-04-07 14:40
Hello,
I agree with all the points that Eddie made. Suggestion: do NOT use ur for your or you're because that kind of short cut is for texting not for poetry. I suggest you read more poetry to see how it is done and all of the different styles available to you. Good luck and have a great holiday weekend.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe
Sun, 2012-04-08 19:34
thank you
thank you verry much and i didnt ever realize i did that im soo use to texting haha :)
author commentloved
Mon, 2012-04-09 05:27
you should feel elated
the stalwarts have commented
and ur texting ability
u transpose
as poetic creativity
which this site
ain't goin to preciate it
no txt
no txt
hear it pl
loved