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Love Lies, Bitter/Sour
Promises with sentiment,
selflessness portrayed;
lustful motives so, hell-bent
with the goal of getting, laid.
Only half with earnest hearts,
the other half don't care;
but, they're the ones throwing the darts,
with such accuracy, it isn't "fair"!
Sorrows coerce, heavy hearts to break
as unions fade away;
bonus points, are what they "fake",
when there's nothing left to say.
Each time-line turns, bitter/sour
sadness, refusing to stop;
as eyes turn lifeless, by the hour
hopes, and dreams, begin to drop!
Then afterwards, those whom endure
when "push", comes down to "shove";
they're the ones whose hearts are, pure;
because they're truly filled with, "love"!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
Starlight
Wed, 2012-04-11 09:12
wow
i really liked this! the pattern was spot on and it speaks truth.
docmaverick
Mon, 2012-04-30 21:04
It would seem; fair Lady, Starlight....
...that you, sweet dutches.....possess a "truer", etherical way of viewing certain things, wouldn't you say?
Either that, or you're just a very, old soul.
Thanx....for the encouragement. We need it at every stage of our lives, so that we can better cope; with who each of us are.
You're a gem,
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==
Tommi Cordial
Wed, 2012-04-11 16:46
very nice
Nice spin on fate i think.
Thanks
Tommi
Tommi Cordial
Dawn breaks over marble head...
docmaverick
Mon, 2012-04-30 21:19
Thanx, soo much, Ms. Tommi....
...I was delighted that you found "favor" with my poem ! (You, with such a discerning eye...and all)!
I must apologize for not responding much, much sooner; but, my computer was tragically, and unfairly treated poorly; (In a "cosmic"...sort of way!)
At any rate....I thank you, once again;
docmaverick.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==