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Lost & Found
I lost 'me' where the foliage had to stream,
in worn out memories, and cold dreams,
on the cliffs and the gulfs of time
where willows whine with no rhyme.
Then I found 'me' - bashing
through the ember
of September,
A phoneix grew_
I found
YOU
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Please google 'Etheree' to know more about the form
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Mon, 2018-09-17 14:12
Hi Rula
it's a nice way to remember how you found your better half in September and expressing it in poetic verse...so we now know that September holds an important day in your calendar...
i suggest that unless there is some syllable count requirement, you may remove one of the two "the" in each of the two lines
in the memories, and the bold dreams,
on the cliffs and the gulfs of time
the poem also has a nice soft feel which goes pretty well with the theme..
.......................................................................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Tue, 2018-09-18 12:28
Thank you raj
For your thoughtful feedback. I think the poem needs a bit of tweeks here and there. I'll be back to it hopefully the coming days.
Appreciate your endless support.
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Rula
Fri, 2018-09-21 14:43
Hello raj
I did some changes following your feedback and some other towards the end.
Thank you.
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raj
Fri, 2018-09-21 14:45
this revised version is
this revised version is crisper...
............................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Shadowdancer3349
Mon, 2018-09-17 18:52
Rula
nice nonet which are not easy to write
as your title states what was lost was found
Rula
Tue, 2018-09-18 12:32
An Etheree in fact
Hello Shadow
Thank you. There is a very slight difference between the two forms.
Happy to know that you like it. Appreciate your nice words.
Thank you.
Always open for any constructive feedback or thoughts.
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scribbler
Wed, 2018-09-19 07:09
WHAT?
Rule just wrote a mostly rhyming poem..........(trying to give me a heart attack I bet lol). I enjoyed this and good luck in contest
Rula
Wed, 2018-09-19 08:00
Hello Stan
three things if I may :)
First, my name is RulA not RulE
2nd, I rarely write free verse. Most of the time I DO rhyme.
3rd, this is not intended for the contest, unless someone would recommend it. I have already submitted one for the contest. It's not that I expect to win, but I appreciate if you tell me which better fits the bill.
Anyway, appreciate your kind visit.
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scribbler
Wed, 2018-09-19 18:37
My apology I blame the name on a typo
But the rhyming was just my being stupid......ston.......see, there goes another typo
Rula
Fri, 2018-09-21 14:38
Hello Stan
no need to apologise. No offense taken.;-)
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lovedly
Wed, 2018-09-19 22:25
this qualifies for Septy contest
Please mark it as for
CONTEST
Rula
Fri, 2018-09-21 14:41
Hello Lovedly
I was only trying to know which qualifies better, the one that I have already submitted or this one.
As always, I highly appreciate your kind visit.
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