for such a short poem

-- sing song sung some unsung songs

What do you think of a cull?
for eg:
In each heart are
beating rhythmic notes
some take form in melodies
while others script unsung songs

Love the concept and theme
love judy
xxx

been thinking of Ned Kelly...I know enough aussies now
Like yer comment Elf! a good mix!
a smile and kick in the ass

I couldnt relate too the gung ho males
my dad was a strong little mate..
happy with some moods
never a table banger
that was his father.
who in his sixties put his good
little wifes arm through the
old wringer washer
my mother had too go down
and tend all...total dominant
prick...a monster really
quiet..he was like an old
reptile who knew what
he was
once I knew he was terrified
of Ghosts I had em'

But...my uncles were all
driving big fast cars...
drank..womanized..
Like Loud..scary
money..connections
and massive he man
jobs...they were nuts
the women had the
big hair still then
and fancy dresses

eventually I grew more
agressive...I was a mouse
for years...the girls would
scream at me here to get
out on the road and bring
back groceries food..
but they too went out and
stood at the goverment
burocrats and give them
shit...I was too timid
and politically correct
inside I would boil

but I got groomed...I
found my armor like
Ned Kelly made up
with the help of his
mates

like us natives got
our beliefs and
sang songs
before going into
the battle..
old and political
still going on...

a lot of us got beaten
up physically or emotionally
as I did
chase me into a corner
and see what comes
out

there is a time for singing
songs
and there is a time
for turning
and being something
else
Survival

Epic..

American movies
JAMES CAGNEY
now theres a character
and the roles he played
the super ego alpha
types
or the more sauve comfortable
Kerouac
Or Plath who struggled in life
and screamed and demanded
but in her works was controlled
but the power sizzling in her
was there in her works...

gnarly works.
I am getting more into
Bukowski
why U said read poets

and titles are important
I never said they werent
just never said...
trickster!!

say if this poem was titled
FUK OFF
that would really
start it off with a bang!

ha..
i like the romantic poetry
also...
Ned Kelly about too be
welded into his suit

"Alas my soul be judged
by aye..I have laid my
heart upon the ramparts
of lust and wild ways
and now begat my
blaze of fire..to this
dear dear shadow
of lifes brief existance
.."

or "Weld me in boys
I'm about to ave
a row and get me
bullocks shot off
But I'll take a
few of the bastards
with me!!"

a grim happy mad smile
and off he goes!
exit stage left..
dim lights..

ac dc thunderstruck on orchestra

..

you didn't cull in your revision.

The poem belongs to posterity.

The Unpublish function allows poets to submit poems to publications that have a requirement for works being previously unpublished.

At the same time I do feel Raj's work could use some revision-

In each heart are rhythmic notes
beating to sing a song of heart
some take form in melodies sung
while some script unsung songs

Too much repetition for such a short piece. Perhaps expand rather than cull.

I have no need to comment on this one as you can see from the others the sort of things that need doing.
Always remember that to change but one word is to create a new poem.
The revision button is there to use and to improve then submit changes, only if you think it is good to do so.
We are here to learn and help others write, so off we go, to teach to learn.
Take care out there, yours, Ian..

and pay heed to advice
what is your price
they charge nothing
but yes
they have given thee an opportunity

see from grass roots level
where now I have been
as always by Jess and jane I am seen

now Esker Snow
and Ian as always all know

You are a diamond read me

''''back on my wall
is a blessing most hanker

believe me
hope your heart is now strong
a diamond you too are

may read this
as I can't post it
restrictions of NEO'S
you also know

Diamondic you
Superb
are you....
may you also shine
as I am a diamond
from a poetry mine....

you are far ahead
my lady/sire poet
far ahead,
than I can ever be

you are the diamond
in the sky
I'd like to be
One too on
Neo-poetree
Will I ever so be..'''

then good stick to your guns
have fun
no not puns

all know
esker has gone
we also will go

where the fux is lovedly's ego???
I want to know

ur an independent.....poet tree
raj in the sublime
remove the sub
it reduces your value
as
LIME

good on you, Raj, Neopoet is not just a community it is a tool for improving our craft and you are using that tool well.

consider the statement-
All the faith he had had had had no effect on the outcome of his life.

Thank you for sharing.
I like the image it creates and empatic change of regular word order. And positive hope that that wonder takes place in each heart.
Because it is good it makes me think about it in my own words. It inspers me to continue and elaborate on the subject. What I would say?
Maybe something like that

In every heart there is a song.
It lives, it sings, it beats along
my laughs, my breathes
and my thoughts.
In every word, in every poem
I want to follow my song,
if only I could hear it
more often...

you are most welcome, my friend.

heart are.......

no knit picking raj sublime
you are actually real lime
but
heart is singular
and
are
plural
purely by my imagination

the experts have glossed it
I am being silly
to make you aware

either say
hearts are
or heart is
ALL
your wish

*In each heart,
are beating
rhythmic notes,

some take form in melodies
while others script
unsung songs

Note ....just a matter of Punctua-'''shun'''