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A Kiss of Winter (Winter season Contest)
As the first snowflake fell upon the land,
it brings about both joy and sadness.
The families huddling together in warm houses,
sheltered from the dreaded cold and loneliness,
will be placing parcels of gifts around their christmas trees
or sharing wonderful stories of delights in company.
To them it is the season to be celebrated together
as they sing the carols and play games with each other.
A chance to display their love to the young and old
and to remember the treasure that is greater than gold.
Alas, there are still the homeless, chilled to the bones,
faces empty of joy, shackled by past memories
of beautiful moments in life that have come and gone.
They gather in crowded shelters, fleeing from winter's kiss.
In homes for the aged, the forgotten elders
waiting for their loved ones to visit their abode
or lost in grief, their families all departed
as they long for the end of their lives' road.
Such is the truth of the season
when winter embraces the land.
Joy and sadness of the humans,
entwined as one, defining them
Comments
scribbler
Tue, 2015-12-08 16:20
Hi Alid
Yes, there Is a sad side to the season. You might want to check for a few typos but thanks for entering......stan
alidzain
Tue, 2015-12-08 16:52
Stan
I tried proofreading but still can't find the typos! A little help, please...!
Alid
scribbler
Wed, 2015-12-30 12:13
Ok
Line 18 change longed to long
Line 20 change embrace to embraces
also forgot period at end of poem.
I hope you have a great new year.......stan
alidzain
Wed, 2015-12-30 14:02
Stan
I've edited line 18 and line 20 as you have suggested but I don't get what you mean by "forget period at te end of poem".
Alid
Sparrow
Sun, 2015-12-20 11:53
Alid
A good write for the contest one small thing the line:-
As the first drop of snow fell upon the land,
I would prefer something like:-
As the first snowflake fell upon the land..
Snow is from tiny frozen particles to large wet flakes never drops, me splitting hairs maybe, Yours Ian..
Cannot find the typo's either, lol..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
alidzain
Sun, 2015-12-20 13:40
Thanks Ian
Done the edit.
Alid