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Going Forward

Submitted by gregwa8 on Tue, 2018-05-08 20:14

We are each
Haunted or blessed
In our waking.

We are all
On a private
Or social
Schedule,

Going forward.

Does the deer
Have trouble
Rousing itself,
Come evening --

With the frightening
Thoughts of hunters
Or mountain lions,
Or home-bound traffic
On too hard streets?

Or does waking
Come easily,
Eager to see
The red sun
In the western sky,

The long, sweet
Face of its
Brother or sister
Again?

Either way
The pack is set
To face the day --
Or night--

And so they
Unbuckle their legs,
Rise,

And crash
Through the forests,
With some level
Of mortal
abandon.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Does this seem too simple in its delivery and word choice? Or is the simplicity one of its strengths? Does it communicate the feeling of having to face the day, whether you're afraid or excited? Is it original or trite?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Eumolpus

Thu, 2018-05-10 10:39

Eumolpus's picture

love the finish,
"And crash
Through the forests,
With some level
Of mortal
abandon."

My take: I would consider beginning the poem "Does the deer"...the poem is complete in itself, and the abstract of us humans is inherent in the natural acceptance of things.
..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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