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Garrote
He's a Jealous creature,
tearing his heart out
it gnaws at his innards
Tormented, stalked by insecurity.
and bonds he can't escape,
a garrote for his neck.
The ugly side of love
rears its poisonous head
He lashes out verbal intensity
Words slashing
like razor blades.
Lacerating her affection
Suffocation won't keep her close
The tighter he squeezes,
The more likely escape.
Punch drunk
and dazed by emotion,
he needs to lay this burden down,
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
lou
Thu, 2010-11-25 01:28
Partially finished
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Thu, 2010-11-25 03:30
JC
thanks
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Thu, 2010-11-25 20:50
Thanks
Your tweaks have unproved it, but prefer to say verbal intensity rather than attacks and prefer lacerating to murdering.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
loved
Thu, 2010-11-25 20:47
My Answer is what says uuuuuuuuuuuu lou lou lou
"All opinion is valid as long as you truly believe it, so have the courage of your own convictions
loved
lou
Fri, 2010-11-26 01:48
Thank you
I am an emotional woman .
Love Lou xx
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Race_9togo
Fri, 2010-11-26 01:56
Lou
I enjoy this immensely.
I know many men who at one time or another have been this thing you illustrate so vividly, and more than a few who have regreted.
The only suggestion that I have is that on the last line of the fifth stanza, I read "the" instead of "a".
Thanks for posting this.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
lou
Fri, 2010-11-26 02:33
Jim
Unfortunately I know the type.
Glad you like it.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!