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Fallen Queen...A Fucked Up Fairy Tale

Submitted by zebra on Tue, 2018-12-04 12:16

she could not bring herself to kiss
the dirty little frog
not getting passed his green slimmey face
and warty splotchy skull

never handsome enough to love
in spite of his viscous sincerity
and
her
own
yearning
snail fish

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Edna Sweetlove

Mon, 2019-12-09 13:07

Edna Sweetlove's picture

And will it be worth it?

Two spelling mistakes in the first 3 lines is NOT a great start.
PAST not past
SLIMY not slimmey

On the positive side, I liked "viscous sincerity". I expect no less from a frog.

Puzzled by the snail fish bit.
;

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

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