Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Come Through It
I’ve been living in this bomb shelter so long
I put up curtains
To block out the sunlight that doesn’t shine through
The concrete anyway
Not sure when or if I’ll again see the light of day
All the folks down here like the soda can vases
I’ve filled up with origami roses
Still white with the blue lines and black ink
Of words I don’t want to think
About anymore
Parts of me lost in this endless war
I make it as bright as I can with the yellow lights
That always make my skin look worse than it is
Still the prettiest thing down here
Everyone else is grey like the walls
And no one believes in anything anymore
All of us forgot what we’re fighting for
Still, I have to hold on to the idea
That there is an end somewhere out there
On the same line of time that I’m standing on
That I’ll come through it if I hold on
I just kinda hope it don’t take too long
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
[This option has been removed]
Last few words:
I’m very sensitive and ask that all suggestions be shared in the form of links to poems that succeed where you believe mine has failed, or book recommendations, or examples of your own work before and after the sort of edits that you recommend, which should always be implied rather than stated. Trust me, I’ll understand what you mean when I see it, and I’ll appreciate rather than fear you. Lol. Anxiety sucks, man. I’m sure it won’t be this way forever.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-06-13 22:10
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem "Come Through It". Your poem is a powerful and poignant reflection on the experience of living in a bomb shelter and the toll it takes on one's psyche. The use of imagery, such as the curtains blocking out sunlight and the soda can vases filled with origami roses, effectively conveys the sense of isolation and detachment from the outside world.
The line "All of us forgot what we’re fighting for" is particularly striking and adds to the sense of hopelessness that permeates the poem. The use of repetition in the final stanza, with the phrase "I'll come through it if I hold on" reinforces the idea of resilience and the importance of holding onto hope, even in the darkest of times.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the line length and structure to add more musicality to the poem. Additionally, you may want to experiment with different punctuation marks to further emphasize the pauses and breaks in the poem.
Overall, "
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact