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Beautiful Strangers

Submitted by Weirdrandomgirl on Sat, 2018-03-31 17:30

The day you left i became a writer
The day you broke it off is the day I became a fighter,

I can't believe that even after all this time I still want you back,
The days seem longer and the nights so much colder,

I look at myself and then I look at her
"Was I ever beautiful to you?" or was it all a lie
All my thoughts and dreams died

So many memories of the past, so many promises that never did last,
I used to know you or so I thought I did

But now we've both become beautiful strangers,
With a past full of lies and a future that'll never be

Bye forever my beautiful stranger

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I wrote this all by myself in my room it was after I read this book with a tragic ending
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Sun, 2018-04-01 06:24

A good poem to sign off a relationship and get rid of negative energies and start afresh on a positive footing. It is a good attempt considering that it is supposedly not from a personal experience but inspired by a book you read....I don't know if the title of the poem is the title of the book but I liked it all the same...

Welcome to Neopoet...I am sure you will benefit from comments of fellow members which will enable you to keep improvising your poetic skill...I read your profile just now and note that you have taken to poetry in your pre teen years...

keep writing more..
.....................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Weirdrandomgirl

Sun, 2018-04-01 16:31

Weirdrandomgirl's picture

Thank You Very Much For Your Input.
The Book Isn't Called Beautiful Strangers
I usually pick the titles after I write the poems a bit of this is from personal experiences

author comment

raj

Mon, 2018-04-02 14:32

Considering you are taking baby steps in the domain of poetry, I suggest you seek a mentor who will guide you to improve every step of your way.....look for "Find a Mentor" in the drop down menu under Mentor Tab ..

I suggest that do not be upset by harsh criticism you may find...instead take it in your stride and look at those comments as "areas of improvement"...

Will look forward to read more of poems you post here...express yourself through a medium of poetry...

Best wishes...

raj (sublime_ocean)

scribbler

Sun, 2018-04-01 11:42

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I'm from South Carolina. I liked this. It has internal rhyme and a straight forward message. Next to last line you might think about leaving "real" out...........stan

Weirdrandomgirl

Sun, 2018-04-01 15:43

Weirdrandomgirl's picture

Thank You, What do you think I should use instead of the word "real"

author comment

scribbler

Sun, 2018-04-01 15:52

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Don't use anything, just delete it. But this being Your poem that is of course entirely up to you....stan

Weirdrandomgirl

Sun, 2018-04-01 17:00

Weirdrandomgirl's picture

That's actually a really good idea thanks now that I've read it over I understand what you mean thank you for you input -Lyric

author comment

lovedly

Sun, 2018-04-01 16:10

lovedly's picture

Synonyms for for real
adj truly existing, real

hello google and see
adjective

1‘she treats fictional characters as if they were real people’
SYNONYMS

actual, existent, non-fictional, non-fictitious, factual

historical

material, physical, tangible, concrete, palpable, corporeal, substantial

rare unimaginary, veridical

Weirdrandomgirl

Sun, 2018-04-01 16:32

Weirdrandomgirl's picture

Thank You I will try to find something that mixes in with my writing

author comment

Sparrow

Sun, 2018-04-01 19:21

Sparrow's picture
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A lovely piece of writing.
Welcome to Neopoet here you will be able to learn writing of Poetry from the classics to the modern and of course your own style will shine through it all,
Great to walk with you,
Yours, Sparrow.

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Weirdrandomgirl

Sun, 2018-04-01 20:54

Weirdrandomgirl's picture

I actually am trying to find myself and love i am struggling with how i look at myself and my worth and am trying to expand my horizons thank you for letting me discover my potential through this site

author comment

weirdelf

Mon, 2018-04-16 10:44

weirdelf's picture
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The rest I felt lapsed into sadness and loss, disempowering yourself.

You know words. You can write. I know you can do better.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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