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Fractured
Twisting, throttling and asphyxiating,
shredding, smashing , ricocheting off of walls.
rising then plummeting.
Slammed into pulp
burst like a ripe melon
smacked up against , collision
Haemorrhaging
clawing and raking of flesh
peeling back to expose nerve endings
Grating tissue and grey matter
violating
blood streaking across epidermis
Caustic fluid stripping eyeballs
crimson , point jabbed into bran stem
Wailing, caterwauling
Soaring in oblivion
non-existence
at peace
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-11-14 11:12
Dear Lou,
Very gruesome! Sounds like one of my migraine headaches feels!
(I think you mean "brain" stem) and the last three lines are at odds with the rest of the poem making for ectreme contrast.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Mon, 2011-11-14 13:38
Cat
thanks
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-11-18 09:38
you poetris so very depressing and the same.
There are so many thins to exolore..
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
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lou
Fri, 2011-11-18 13:02
Jess
Thank you
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!