The first and only democratic, member-ran poetry community — Register Free
Submitted by calliope on 11 October 2007 - 1:30pm.| Updated 16 March 2008 - 10:09pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
Aimlessly spinning,
Need a place to center,
A continuous obsession,
Only one thing will content her,
Systematic searching,
Doesn’t seem to be working,
She only finds static,
And her life becomes erratic,
Her world begins to crumble,
And through this maze she stumbles,
Into the wrong hands,
She blindly turns,
Torn again,
When will she learn?
So many times her hearts been slain,
The only thing constant in her life is pain,
Now which way will she turn?
Will she once again be burned?
Will she chance the great unknown?
Or be content to be alone?
Then, disillusioned,she walks straight into the sun,thinking it’s the moon,
And she screams, and she cries, that she knows ,love is coming soon.
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
(2 votes)
The moth to the flame
we have had a swarm of bogon moths in Sydney lately so they are much on my mind and fluttering around my house but this poem really made me think of them.
To be honest, I read several poems about women behaving like moths every day. I guess it needs to be said. I wish more men could be a better gender, more moon-like.
cheers,
Jess
Draw to the moon burned by the Sun
Again you pen the human condition with a progressive flow,the narrative questions brought this poem to me like an independent documentary(how rare)I have noticed this in your other poems.The lenght works just right as well.
In ink,
David
The carefully-paced build-up
The carefully-paced build-up takes us progressively higher to the dramatic crescendo. Nicely done.
Mike
“Bethlehem” by Meic See more of my art? please visit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/7911705@N07