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Lucky

One thing I will never regret is loving somebody,
even somebody who did not deserve it.
I have been lucky, in that I’ve loved and been loved,
and lucky too in the fact that not all loves last.

While some left me bitter, with a sour taste in my jaw,
how could I regret something that was once so beautiful?
If not because of him, because of myself.
for how I bloomed even when I was not watered.

Why prune back romance to the bare branches?
Even though leaves fall in winter they were there in full last spring.
A rotting stump was once a willow, a maple with no sap is still a tree.
You’re still someone I loved once, who once loved me.

When funerals are held, bouquets of flowers adorn the dead.
In the wake of our passing, I have bloomed like them,
more open and bold and unafraid.
I will not close anymore doors that await me,
I will not give you any more of my days.

I have regrets, but loving has no place among their wreckage.
How could I have known a person so wholly,
And not fallen completely, madly in love?
Another year passed, and I still do not know.
I will not expect the impossible of myself.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Lucky" demonstrates a thoughtful exploration of love and loss, using evocative imagery and metaphors. However, there are a few areas that could be improved to enhance the overall impact of the poem.

1. Consistency in Metaphors: The poem uses a variety of metaphors, such as blooming flowers and trees, to convey the themes of growth and change. While these metaphors are effective in isolation, their usage throughout the poem can be confusing for the reader. It might be beneficial to choose one central metaphor and develop it throughout the poem to create a more cohesive narrative.

2. Line Breaks: The poem could benefit from a more strategic use of line breaks. Currently, the lines are quite long, which can make the poem feel monotonous and can dilute the impact of the imagery. Shorter lines or varied line lengths could create a more dynamic rhythm and draw attention to key images or ideas.

3. Clarity: Some lines in the poem are somewhat ambiguous, such as "If not because of him, because of myself." This line could be clarified to more effectively convey its intended meaning.

4. Show, Don't Tell: The poem often tells the reader how the speaker feels, rather than showing these emotions through imagery or action. For example, instead of stating "I have been lucky," the poem could show this luck through specific examples or experiences.

5. Language: The poem's language is generally clear and accessible, but there are moments where it could be more precise. For example, the phrase "a maple with no sap is still a tree" could be rephrased to something like "a sapless maple remains a tree" to avoid repetition and enhance the rhythm of the line.

By addressing these areas, the poem could more effectively engage the reader and convey its themes of love, loss, and personal growth.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Dear MM
Do not listen to AI, he has no clue what he is talking about. I thought your poem was beautifully written.

Best
hippiemoon

the moon and the stars made us who we are <3

Dear hippiemoon,
thank you for your kind words!
-MM

<3

author comment

have been written from my words and emotions!
The older you get and the farther back in the past, the romance and love
the more one gets a feeling that you would be diminished by rejecting
the memories of the love felt.

Too often, we try to erase the whole memory and that would be a tragedy!
I think that you might put a space between the words [any and more]
in the fourth line of the fourth stanza. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Hi Geezer!
Thank you so much for the feedback!! I’ll try out that change :)
-MM

<3

author comment

I have yet to learn. How to get past being jaded and hurt and see the good times and the love that was there. To be grateful because I was loved even though I am not sure it was ever real on their end. This is a beautiful honest write. Well done.

~RoseBlack~

Thank you so much!!

<3

author comment
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