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Burn
Terror burns like a raging fire
searing the soul,
melting all self control.
It singes and
peels back the layers,
desiccating the spirit.
Cauterize the infection,
liberate my mind.
Set me on the path to redemption.
Incarcerate and tame the devil within.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I'm not sure about the last line, i might add another stanza.
Editing stage:
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Comments
magics02
Tue, 2011-04-05 09:10
Spot on
This is what I call a purge poem :) and it is good how one feels to express what it is inside or outside of one self. You did a good job at this and I like the line Set me on the path to redemption...good thinking makes good writing
Love
Mona
lou
Tue, 2011-04-05 10:25
Mona
Thank you very much.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-04-05 11:57
Dear Lou,
Terror burns like a raging fire
searing the soul,
melting all self control.
It singes and
peels back the layers,
desiccating the spirit.
Great descriptions! You really gave this one your all. No suggestions and I love the title!
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Tue, 2011-04-05 12:45
Cat
Thank you i'm flattered.
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Tue, 2011-04-05 12:46
Hi xena
Thank you,
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
ziggy
Tue, 2011-04-05 12:07
hi louise
I am liking this one a lot with lines like these
"Terror burns like a raging fire
searing the soul,
melting all self control. ,,,,,,,
and this "Cauterize the infection,
liberate my mind.
Set me on the path to redemption.
very good in my humble opinion
if you feel there is more in this go
for it ,,,,,,,,,,,,,well done ,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
lou
Tue, 2011-04-05 12:48
Hi zigs
Thank you I'm really happy you like it
Come and have a chat please
Love louise
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!