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Until the next time
A thousand,
no ! a million times
I have tried to picture
your face,
but as my memory ages
so does its recall, of you
the first frost came this morning,
I walked barefoot, knowing
you were there with me
the spirit for life
you left inside,
is now my guide
and burns my trail
my feet numb,
I shiver remembrance
and goosebumps form
forever I will look back
I am haunted
by the footprints
that are not
next to mine
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
dina grey
Wed, 2013-04-17 09:10
Great, vivid picture with words.
I could see myself walking those footsteps. Great work! Keep it coming.
Seren
Thu, 2013-04-18 08:40
Thanks Dina
I am very happy you liked it thanks for the read and the comment
sincerely JC x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Josephus
Wed, 2013-04-17 10:53
Simply wonderful
I wouldn't change a thing. Your phrasing is so descriptive.
Joe
My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.
Seren
Thu, 2013-04-18 08:42
Thanks Joe
Very glad you liked it thanks for the read its much appreciated
love Jayne-Chloe
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
loved
Wed, 2013-04-17 12:57
simply exquisite you r a wonder
such lovely experiences you share
it's like time is walking alongside
no footprints left on sands of time
simple memories
left far behind
loved
Seren
Thu, 2013-04-18 08:43
Loved
Thank you for the read and your lovely comment
love JC x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Bonitaj
Wed, 2013-04-17 14:28
This piece
has a certain "haunted" quality about it that stays even after the last line. That to me suggests "great writing"!
You just keep getting better at it JC!
Bonitaj
Seren
Thu, 2013-04-18 08:46
Boni
Thanks so much for the read I am really glad you liked it, still needs a bit more editing but I will get round to it soon
thanks for the visit its good to have you back around
love JC x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
scribbler
Wed, 2013-04-17 17:00
Hey sis
That last stanza is one of the best I've read in a long time. The rest of the poem ain't exactly chicken feed either lol. I've got a few ideas, as usual :
line 6 try so fades its memory of you
last line second stanza try replacing "burns" with blazes"
this poem reminds me too much of those with whom I used to walk who no longer leave their prints beside mine................stan
Seren
Thu, 2013-04-18 08:49
hey Bro
I am so glad you liked this one and thanks for the ideas when I edit, I will be editing this one over the next few days
thanks for the read and your time
love JC x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Ian.T
Wed, 2013-04-17 18:43
Jayne
Ah yes the footprints there touching the Earth remembering things yet the face has faded.
It matters not young lady that the face has faded only that the feelings are still within your Spirit, as you once again touch the Earth, and know that there are many that are doing the same and are close to your ways.
It is easy to have faces fade, we cannot remember everything, yet a feeling that has etched a line on the hand or has touched the soul there is never a place that they can be forgotten, they belong in your makeup for ever.
I remember my poem on that lawn I spread out to eternity that had lots of bumps in the shape of footprints, just the sight of those lumps and bumps brought a love to my ways..
Take care out there and I look forward to more of your writes, they are becoming deeper and yet more beautiful,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Seren
Thu, 2013-04-18 08:54
Ian
I have been writing this poem for years, I lost my little man after three days and its funny I remember bits and pieces but it was such a traumatic experience, I write of it rarely but it was time to edit this one and post thanks for the lovely comment its very much appreciated
love always JC xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats