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Bridging the gap
In the dying light of your voice,
the sky wings away
silhouettes my bones;
I suck at marrow
of small gods
flesh the north wind, so pure,
inside my mouth:
the sun picks at my eyes,
gently
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage:
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Comments
Nevel
Thu, 2011-05-05 15:14
Hi Shirley, thank you for
Hi Shirley, thank you for your kind words.
Greetings,
Erwin
(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)
49reasons
Sun, 2011-05-01 17:49
hello Nevel
great to see you here posting too.
no critique from me... I like this just the way it is.
.
~Juls~
"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda
Nevel
Tue, 2011-05-03 02:25
Hi Juls thanks you and good
Hi Juls thanks you and good to see you here also.
Took a few days how this site works, so far I really like the whole concept of workshopping.
Erwin
(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)
CCfire
Sun, 2011-05-01 17:53
As always your brevity
As always your brevity astounds sometimes.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
Nevel
Mon, 2011-05-02 13:10
Thank you Chez ....well, that
Thank you Chez ....well, that's a great compliment. Awesome site this, thanks for inviting me.
Erwin
(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)
CCfire
Mon, 2011-05-02 13:47
No problems
I am so glad to hear you say that, I think it's a keeper too, won't be going back to the other one anytime soon other than to read.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
weirdelf
Sat, 2011-05-14 20:41
love the synaesthesic metaphor of the first line!
A real gem of a poem, I humbly apologise for being unable to offer any constructive feedback.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Nevel
Sat, 2011-05-14 20:52
Hi Jess, thank you for your
Hi Jess, thank you for your kind words.
Greetings,
Erwin
(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)
weirdelf
Sat, 2011-05-14 21:19
(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)
It works! I write my poems on bricks and throw them at him. [grins]
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Nevel
Sat, 2011-05-14 22:02
lol .....the poor doctor...
lol .....the poor doctor...
pleiades
Sat, 2011-05-14 22:14
how lovely this is
how lovely this is
from your wonderful opening line, i was
captivated
there's a delicacy about this write
that is very persuasive
it's introspective, without being
indulgent
it invites the reader to wonder
it's like a moment, stilled in time
completely enjoyed
cheers
p