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Expressions
How do I feel today?
Do I feel at all?
What's the point off feeling anything,
anyway?
So I can be sad like you?
Be mad like you?
So I can be fed-up like you?
So I can be everything you are?
So I can be you?
A rock came through my window today.
It was painted with the word hope,
shattering like the window it christened,
leaving me in the corner, a shivering toddler,
leaving me with an empty hand and a
broken mirror. My window piecing
below my feet, piercing each step
with the vision of broken eyes
a bloody path to my front door
which is locked from the outside.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Mon, 2016-04-04 14:00
dearest Scott
If this is fiction or real I do sympathize.
This is well written indeed.
No suggestions. The last stanza could stand by itself.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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eightmenout
Mon, 2016-04-04 14:07
Dearest Rula
Thank you for the kind words
Scott
Rula
Mon, 2016-04-04 14:12
I especially
Like the metaphor throughout, if I understand the rock's thing right. Otherwise I think i misread it.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
eightmenout
Mon, 2016-04-04 15:32
How did you read it?
How did you read it?
Scott
Rula
Mon, 2016-04-04 16:33
it could be
a representative of a heavy burden or so that caused you such a pain. Otherwis, it must have be used literary, as a rock.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
eightmenout
Mon, 2016-04-04 17:09
Dearest Rula
It's figurative, how supposedly indestructible, yet shattering like glass
Scott
weirdelf
Tue, 2016-04-05 17:25
oh wow, Scott, this is something else!
I do not understand why that last line is so powerful. It lifts the whole poem to the sublime. Nothing so mundane as a "locked room" murder mystery, although that can't be ignored, especially with the hopeful rock threat.
This is a poem that defies my analysis but I love it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
eightmenout
Tue, 2016-04-05 19:41
Jess
Mighty fine compliment, sir. Thank you
Scott