My best friend gave me the truth, his age when I asked, thirty-two, in his dark brown leather jacket.
First and last time I ever asked that question, all dressed in white, sunny day of first communion.
Slight hesitation before he spilled the beans, knowing the truth couldn’t hurt, and didn’t.
Still have pictures from that day, a sunny day, back in the nineteen fifties, Saint Michaels Church.

Dear heart, this is no easy road
We've set ourselves to take
The rocks are sharp, the falls are steep,
It's so easy to break
Over the stress, the hopes, the fears,
The dreams unrealized.
This road was easier to walk, dear heart,
When it was fantasized.

I remember the days
we’d stay on the phone all night

We’d fall asleep on the call,
just so we could wake up together the next day.

I used to think
“It can’t get better than this”

---

I lie here,
held in your arms
the safest place I could ever be

The colder the night
The closer you hold me

I think to myself:
It really can’t get better than this

---

9 months of waiting
We held our son for the first time

Really, It can’t get better than this…

---

Loving has always been second nature for me.
Even when I don’t want to,
When I know it will hurt me,
I love everyone around me with my entire heart,
Body,
And soul.

Some people have taken advantage of this.
They know they have my love to fall back on,
So they give their hearts away
To girls who are not me,
While crushing mine in their fist.

It’s not an easy task,
Being the one before The One,
But I don’t necessarily mind doing it.

Moon fills the northland, with an index finger pressed over its lips, gently whispering, “Quiet”,
with its foggy glow, wraps a dimming gift of presents, for the heavens, and you.

Mellow dew sparkles the floor where you catch your reflection in a shadow.
Blue eyes of daytime mirror mysteries of times past reflect, in your wisdom of thinking.
“I love this”, silent words that flow from your cool steamed breath, a Sunday church song.
Bare feet slide forward on the cold soft blades of newborn meadow fronds.

My name is John and I have been dealing with bi-polar since 1971, in my youth it wasn’t so.
My home in all its cozy warmth with varied friendships, a brethren of colorful personalities.
Roller-skating in my best friend’s cellar in circles around the coal boiler, our exciting world.
My life colorful from birth with all the mischief a child could navigate, eggs thrown at the neighbors.
We were all who we were, and acceptance was exploring forest land uncharted, together.

There's something special about
Being loved
By a poet

They notice the little things

The way your hair
Curls around your ears
Like the waves of the ocean
Rolling over itself

How your fingers
Wrap around the steering wheel
The same way they wrap around mine

How your eyes
Shine in the sunlight
Like fire and ice colliding

And the best part is
They write it all down
And share it with the world
Making your presence and beauty
Your life and love
Everlasting

Today I feel Human.
And I know I am always human,
But now I notice it.
In the ways my legs ache
With each bend of my knee.
The way my heart sits heavy in my chest
Like a diving ring in a pool
Not going down, just sitting there.
The way my mind races,
And my bones ache for the cold,
Even though I don’t like it anyways.

I locked onto your eyes of wood-smoke
saw my face mirrored back at me,
full of desirous laughter.
Saw a world of love
as it is there...

Your offered hand
taking mine in yours.
Floating away on your warmth
sensing the stability of your thoughts
as they were there...

Watching words form on your supple lips
is a land of paradise of its own.
There is a rhythm to your words, exhilarating.
A lilt which lifts me up ever higher,
when it is there!

I don’t think you can fully get away from me.
When you’re with her, you’ll feel the ghost of my love.
You’ll open your eyes after kissing her and you’ll think it’s me.

I’ll haunt you everywhere you go.
Every road you drive, every street you walk,
Every goddamn second of your life I’ll be there.

I’ll be waiting, watching, lurking.

I think you killed me.
My soul is not tethered to my body,
My emotions switch on and off at an instant.

My ghost holds all of our secrets now,
So I don’t have to.