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Submitted by poewriter58 on 20 February 2008 - 10:14pm.| Updated 20 February 2008 - 10:21pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
So you thought that you could fly
Well so did I, so did I
You asked how far
You asked how high
And so did I, so did I
I fell back to earth with wings tattered and torn
Only to watch saddened and forlorn
As you went soaring into the sun
A journey ended before it had begun,before it had begun
The sun too hot your wings did melt
You asked why I wept
Your sorrow I felt, your sorrrow I felt
I searched for another but could find no other
That could match the beauty of you, that could match the beauty of you
Until the arrow of Eros did melt a fickle heart
He did his part, a fickle heart he did his part
Hopeless and helpless I wander from sun to sun
And so wonder if I could finish what you had begun
Finish what you had begun
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me.
(3 votes)
poewriter58
I enjoyed this very much I liked the flow and the content nicely written!
janice
Thank you very much
Chrys
I think your poem is
I think your poem is wonderful! The contents and ideas are SO IMPRESSIVE!
Thank you and Welcome
I am looking forward to reading some of your work will be watching
Chrys
Hi Chrys...
You put a lot of thought in this…enjoyed the read…
thank you
I did indeed. A little different for me but I enjoyed writing it
Chrys
new favorite
that is so cool its hot sorry couldnt resist the icarus pun this poem is now my favorite of the volumn of your work i have read the play on the icarus theme worked perfectly bravo
Andrew
Thank you I appreciate that
Chrys
good work
a simple poem, a very good poem. liked it a lot. those repititions are superb. the ease of the treatment is also commendable.