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Style / Type: 
freeform

So you thought that you could fly

Well so did I, so did I

You asked how far

You asked how high

And so did I, so did I

 

I fell back to earth with wings tattered and torn

Only to watch saddened and forlorn

As you went soaring into the sun

A journey ended before it had begun,before it had begun

 

The sun too hot your wings did melt

You asked why I wept

Your sorrow I felt, your sorrrow I felt

I searched for another but could find no other

That could match the beauty of you, that could match the beauty of you

Until the arrow of Eros did melt a fickle heart

He did his part, a fickle heart he did his part

 

Hopeless and helpless I wander from sun to sun

And so wonder if I could finish what you had begun

Finish what you had begun

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me.
4.333335
Average: 4.3 (3 votes)
Submitted by Janice Pearce on 20 February 2008 - 11:11pm.
Janice Pearce's picture

poewriter58

I enjoyed this very much I liked the flow and the content nicely written!

Submitted by poewriter58 on 21 February 2008 - 2:16am.
poewriter58's picture

janice

Thank you very much
Chrys

Submitted by BlackRose on 21 February 2008 - 1:29pm.
BlackRose's picture

I think your poem is

I think your poem is wonderful! The contents and ideas are SO IMPRESSIVE!

Submitted by poewriter58 on 21 February 2008 - 2:52pm.
poewriter58's picture

Thank you and Welcome

I am looking forward to reading some of your work will be watching
Chrys

Submitted by themoonman on 22 February 2008 - 9:46am.
themoonman's picture

Hi Chrys...

You put a lot of thought in this…enjoyed the read…

Submitted by poewriter58 on 22 February 2008 - 10:15am.
poewriter58's picture

thank you

I did indeed. A little different for me but I enjoyed writing it
Chrys

Submitted by zandrew26 on 22 February 2008 - 9:59am.
zandrew26's picture

new favorite

that is so cool its hot sorry couldnt resist the icarus pun this poem is now my favorite of the volumn of your work i have read the play on the icarus theme worked perfectly bravo

Submitted by poewriter58 on 22 February 2008 - 10:17am.
poewriter58's picture

Andrew

Thank you I appreciate that
Chrys

Submitted by ramanuj on 9 June 2008 - 2:06pm.

good work

a simple poem, a very good poem. liked it a lot. those repititions are superb. the ease of the treatment is also commendable.