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White Lies...EDIT (Kindmess Eumol)
Compose with love
and you all be read
So grateful must one be
now to readers like you
who honestly confess they lie
never tell the slightest truth
then only comes out the lover's worth
when she of words unheard
does now hear
as you say
entice you may
anyone
with lovely words
you portray
so continue you may
Tell white lies only
friend like you confess
they only lie
may be as in lay
never tell the whole truth
then only comes out the lover's
inner worth
when she of words
has never heard
now smile
Oh my
am I of such a worth
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Fri, 2018-09-07 17:54
very nice and true
I would consider dropping the first 2 stanzas and starting with "compose with love/and you will be read."
This gets the reader involved immediately, and gets you in into the main idea of the poem. You scanning for a good poem does not entice the reader, nor telling a somewhat obvious statement that the best poems "upsurge from within". From there you proceed in a more abstract and personal poem, that "surges from within" with the theme of the white lies, making a good poem.
..
..
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
lovedly
Fri, 2018-09-07 20:48
Kindness Eumo
I am grateful you pick up good ones to advise
As it leaves me wise.
Do read my
GIVE PEACE A CHANCE
a similar stance
thanks in advance
Sparrow
Fri, 2018-09-07 18:33
Loved
A holding write, we must write of all things we can think of as how will others ever understand another point of view.
It is our Poetic duty to write of as many things as possible, It adds a facet to the diamond of life to give it a total glow..
Go well young Bard, Yours as always Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti