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JANICE HERZOG
United States
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Submitted by JANICE HERZOG on 17 May 2008 - 11:33am.| Updated 21 May 2008 - 4:07pm.
Style / Type:
freeform
Your love is hypnotizing
Mystifying, engulfing
Always mesmerizing
I keep craving, desiring
Wanting your loving
Always mesmerizing
I’m constantly dreaming
Ever lusting
Always mesmerizing
Needing, pleasing
Praying and cherishing
Always mesmerizing
You’re always teasing
Enthralling, enchanting
Always mesmerizing
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me.
I hope you like my poem. look everybody all of my poems are now in lower case. p.s. i didn't know you people didn't like all caps. so sorry. janice
(2 votes)
I like all of it and
I’m hoping this is a series or at least more parts because I wanted it to continue ;)
Mark
ALWAYS MESMERIZING
MARK: SORRY I WAS SO HARSH YESTERDAY. I BELIEVE IN CONSTRUCTIVE CRTICISM, NOT CRTICISM THAT HURTS OTHERS FEELINGS. FEEL FREE TO CONTINE TO READ MY POEMS. I HAVE 71 SO FAR. NOT BAD FOR A NOVICE POET. SINCERELY, JANICE HERZOG
Lots of things to watch
First, the caps definitely detract. There is not enough content here to shout about. Second, the repetition is wearying. All these superlatives without a qualifier are simply boring. The time-honored advice to poets, “Don’t tell, SHOW” is very relevant here because you give us nothing but a list. Added to this is the fact that you are inconsistent…first the lover is “mesmerizing” and then the poet is. In fact, the poet (speaker) tries it TWICE! Are each putting the other to sleep? Or (yawn) is it us?
Yours in peace,
Synchro
Januce
why do you use upper case with all your writing?
always mesmerizing
Mark: starting tomorow i will be using lower case with caps at the beginining. if there is another way of writing then tell me. i did not excel in english or writing in high school. sincerely, janice herzog
Just curious
I know a lot of people that use caps because they have difficulty with their vision :)