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Poems of Brevity I am working on...

Submitted by CCfire on Tue, 2011-03-29 05:48

*refrain*

i saw the playground,
it reminded me of

the speed of swings

the broken wing
lay on the ground

like me, it was
beaten

*love letter #10*

you were sad
on the airport drive
it rained, remember?
the car we called
silly red, we forgot
its name

you and i
had some
terrible arguments
i still love you

i am happy
how about you?

*love letter #17*

to not speak
will not end this
not reading this
won't make it
invisible

what you think
is sliced up
into pieces
is what still
beats inside you

as long as it does
i am there

Comments

crypticbard

Wed, 2011-03-30 05:16

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the possible meanings of beaten... as it is suggested by the tone and rhythm of the poem - as well as its content: laying broken - defeat and speed - the beating of flying wings. At least as an after thought it is better than wings that never knew flight to begin with. Better to have flown and crashed than to have never flown at all. Or something like that.

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

CCfire

Wed, 2011-03-30 05:25

CCfire's picture

I want to gather all the breifer poems together in here and sort them, I like your take on it, I am always delighted when others form opinions about what I write, it's wonderful.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

CCfire

Wed, 2011-03-30 20:59

CCfire's picture

are just what I adore receiving, someone who reads and then interprets his own feelings and images into the piece. I am grateful to you for this feedback. :)
Chez

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

CCfire

Thu, 2011-03-31 05:21

CCfire's picture

I want to tweak on these brief poems, I wish to do a series of them, tiny snapshots that have a kapow at the end, to do that they must draw the reader in from the first line and then as you described make them ellicit a feeling and or image. I actually enjoy them, they make you think what metaphor can best serve to ask the reader to look way past such few words.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment
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