About workshops

Workshops on Neopoet are groups that meet for a certain period of time to focus on a certain aspect of poetry. Each workshop participant is asked to critique all the other poems submitted into a workshop. A workshop leader helps coordinate -- they set the agenda, give participants feedback on whether their submissions and critique are at they level expected of them, and after the workshop is over, give feedback to participants. 

To join a workshop, first find one that is of interest to you. Once you have found the right workshop (and verified that it is open -- you can find this out in the description below), you can apply to join the workshop.


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"The Right Word"

Status: 
Program description/goal: 

Description: A shop which will show there Is a difference between using words and using the Right words.There will be ongoing discussion as well as "fill in the blank" and second party editing on poetry.

Leader: scribbler
Moderator(s): wesley

Objectives:We will use discussion as well as exercises in order to help people put more thought into the word usage in their poetry.

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: Expanding people's awareness of how much just a few "right" words can greatly improve their poetry.

Length: 
30 days
Number of participants (limit): 
10 people
Skill level: 
Date: 
Tuesday, November 18, 2014 to Thursday, December 18, 2014
Short description: 
Will begin with discussion on the shop thread which will be ongoing throughout the shop. Will then fill in blanks of a poem by a known poet and post each revision on stream where it can receive commentary from all.Later 2 stages will have written details

Comments

"Plowmen"

I hear some say to plow the snow.
yet they hardly mean to plant it though....
Unless in sarcasm to mock
at harvesting a field of rock
-------------or-------------------
I hear men say to plow the snow.
They cannot mean to plant it though....
Unless in bitterness to mock
At having cultivated rock.

The latter of these is a poem by Robert Frost. The earlier one is how it might have been had proper thought not been put into finding the "right" words.

We are all guilty of just choosing words willy nilly and thus rushing through getting a poem written. I do it far too often. But then I go back over time and see where a better word was there for the using and I edit,and edit. and edit.......even some of my oldest stuff which has been edited many times over the years. Wouldn't it be nice to write a poem using the right words the first time? Sure would save a lot of editing lol. So in this shop we're going to open ourselves to the idea of putting a bit more thought into word usage the First time. (Of course none of us will ever write perfect poetry without Some editing). But the simple act of slowing our pens down a bit before writing will allow us time to find a better word or way of saying something. This shop will require little in the way of technical expertise but it Will require thought. So let me know on this thread if you want in. I know my earlier blog has had many saying they want in but that was before you knew what will be involved. Hence the request that ya'll state here that you'd like to be tortured and made to squirm lol. So just say so below or you can PM me.

author comment

On of my two most important by words as far as finished product go are proofread and edit. Nothing is ever truly clean of mistakes and everything needs to be edited to bring it in line with the skills of the poet at present. A poem written a year ago would be written very differently now. It's not fair to rewrite a poem completely because it is representative of who one was. However, cleaning up language or better... adding more beautiful language is part of our responsibility as writers, as poets, as artists.

As a moderator I hope I can be of some service and I can answer questions if I know the answer and if I don't... I will.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

aboard. I hope we can both gain from this shop

author comment

it becomes garbage
so i leave it
and compose afresh
like juicing oranges
from a new tree
when by a dozen two come for free
so let me be a part of thee
and i would love to share
some words never or rarely heard
how so ever cussed or obdurate
i may appear to be
my vocab needs words
from Stan thee
and also from WS and Ian maybe

and a welcome addition

author comment

edition ?
hahahaha
shall make some juicy contribution
i see all her love monotony
except me

archaic r thee
most in the lee
not loo!!
no please
wash room maybe...

Being or becoming youthful.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

poemised that one and it awaits your flaming blessings
WS sIir

you have used the right word "torture" Is there room for me in that Cell? As long as my hands are not cuffed and mind numbed. I would like to join the inmates..lol..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I have an iron maiden reserved just for you lol

author comment

Iron maiden???..You're giving me the jeepers and the creeps...lol

raj (sublime_ocean)

I WANT IN. Did you forget to add me?

Alid

of humour i always visualised u in my mind as seeeee r ious

Finding the right words IS one of my biggest problem in poem and story writing.

Alid

read my version above
it simply means
a new coinage of

MOSTLY===most in the lee
modern poetry!

are in and most welcome

author comment

Selection is your biggest problem. Finding them is easy. Thesaurus, Dictionary, Rhyming Dictionary, reading, writing... you see all of the words everyday. Choosing which to use is what makes the artist. Don't be afraid to use every tool you can find. Finding the words all the time... easy.
Choosing... hard.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

do share with me
make poetry lively
not dreamy
most- in- the- lee
i see here generally

did u read my last ur inspired poetry
not yet
no time u bet

whilst making me laugh
will burst
my stomach tumour
then there will be left no glamour
with lovedly gone
now whom to hammer

please Stan if I may

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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Not added yet :(

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I have been on the site for a while now and never joined the work shops provided. Color me embarrassed. I'm more of "keep your mouth shut and eyes and ears opened" kind of guy. I would be here to learn. My contribution would be paltry in the present company. I would consider it an honor if I am allowed tag along.

Capt Jack

Gerald Walsh

I'll insist you lead.

Don't Panic. You'll be surprised at how easy it is to share what you understand about poetry in the workshop environment. Also, there are always more in the shops of those first time poets than just the one. And best of all... Stan (Scribbler), our fearless leader, is very laid back.

I'm Wesley, one of the moderators and I welcome you to the workshop. I think you'll find that not only will you learn some things to think about, you will also find yourself accidentally teaching.

I am not laid back. I'll encourage you to participate.
If I can get you signed up you'll be on the lists.
Again, welcome to the workshop.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Can I come in and play
Can I enter your word game
I play with words they wont be the same.
I think I might enjoy this game
Let me in if its all the same
I don't mean the words will be all the same,
I must go before I go in sane,
Please let me in to play your game,
What more can I say,
I wonder what sort of can that is.
Hope it's not a can of worms,
As Poe he frightens me,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

are welcome to participate. But please note that the tentative starting date has change, This was done because the stupid shop co-ordinator (me) had not realized there were going to be FOUR shops going on at once which is entirely too many. We have now reduced the number to 2 and intend to keep only 2 going at the same time. So if another delay in this shop is needed in order for that to happen I'll edit this syllabus and also post a blog announcing revised start date.

I am kinda amazed that so mant folks are wanting to join. I hope I don't let ya'll down and that we can all have some fun while getting used to giving a bit more thought to word usage in our writing..........stan

author comment

I'm not sure if you are aware. Though two shop will be running it will show four is active. 2 + storytelling(Wesley) and the Stream.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I guess I need to get with Wes. I think he considers his storytelling shop to be complete

author comment

The Elf and I some time ago set up the workshop to be "sempiternal" (forever). There will always be conversations going on in that workshop. Anyone may drop by and contribute.
We have had two recent workshops within the workshop: Dramatic Verse and Study in Pink... both of which I consider to be part of the larger workshop. Our next workshop in Storytelling in Verse will be The Ballade.
So no, I don't consider the workshop closed at all.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

But the Study in Pink part is either over or almost over isn't it?

author comment

is closed. It has been for a while.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

and most welcome

author comment

STAN I think than you have words
I shall stand by if you say ever
i must follow my leader or pleader or master or mentor or what
ask which word will suit you
scribbler or scribble or scrable which?

I'm still not added to the list

Alid

you and others now......sorry for delay

author comment

That's the sort of demeaning, busy work sort of stuff that moderators do so Workshop Leaders can sit quietly on their thrones and ponder the great task before them.
(Actually, without Rula and Barbara I'd have been dead in the water long ago. The Moderator's role is a noble one... which makes "me" noble and I deserve a pay raise).

I'll see if I can get everyone listed in a timely manner. I'm checking in on a regular basis waiting word on the start date. If you were me, you would have pissed everyone off already by starting ridiculously early.
It's a curse.
I will "moderate".

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

hereby double your moderator salary lol

author comment

and the Autumn breeze.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

May I sneak in on this one? So when is the start date

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

You will be most welcome to join. I'm thinking of cranking up next week so keep an eye open for a blog announcing the start date.........stan

author comment

I'm running a Renga WS with Ian so, due to medical ills at times I must dip out, but will emerge later. I want to be here when I can.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

The final change of start date is going to be Dec. 1. By then I'll be over my bronchitis and will be able to lead with a clear head........or at least as clear as it gets lol. I will also be contacting everybody who has joined via PM over the weekend to alert ya'll to the start date. I appreciate your patience.............stan PS to get ya'll's brains to thinking about the difference between ON and "right" here's a stanza to consider

Did once children's laughter ring
as they swayed on a long rope swing
which hung from this tree's lower limb?
I wondered what became of them.
or
Did young folks' merriment once ring
as they played on an old rope swing
anchored by the tree's lowest limb?
Whatever became of them?

author comment

New start date is Dec.1

author comment

The last line in number two doesn't have the "wonder" of the first.
Children is better than folks. Strangely both third lines read well to me.
Frost?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

It's the first time see this word!
I didn't get the question Stan to be quite honest. However, I like the first stanza better. It reads more mmm...authentic??
Is it the right word?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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is a copy, often imperfect, of a person or thing.
Weird word huh?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

There was no question . I took an excerpt from my old poem "Homeplace" and changed a few words to show how minor word changes can make a pretty big difference. But you are correct that the first stanza is the original and the second was "doctored down".
And to have somebody mistake one of my first 2-3 poems ( even just one stanza) for something by Frost is high praise indeed...............PS shop will crank up Monday evening

author comment

I started to call this shop "the Perfect Word" but then I realized there usually is not just one perfect word, there are instead a number of words which are "right". This is to say they work better than some other words which although correct don't convey exactly what a person wants to convey. And in the case of rhyming poetry the word choice must be concise and often rhyme also.

If you are like me, you often write a poem in a flurry of inspiration and rush to get the initial inspiration onto paper. THIS shop is about what happens After that first rough draft. It is my hope to eventually progress to the point where I'm editing and choosing in my mind before committing to paper the right words so that later editing won't have to be extensive. And that's what we're going to be doing here, getting used to choosing the words which work best.

If we get done in time we'll segue into choosing better titles. So now let's get your ideas on what makes a word "right" and how much difference a few words can really make in a poem. I the mean time I'll post below a single stanza. I'll put some of the words in parenthese. Pay close attention to them. Some have been changed from the original and some haven't. See if you can figure out which Have been changed...........stan

I had for my (cold) evening walk
(nobody)with whom (I could) talk
But I had the (cottages) in a row
(Filled) to their (shining ) eyes with snow.

author comment

nobody( I would have used "none"
cottages was it houses
shining I would have used glimmering

using Stan's example if I were to have written it
it would look like this

I had for my brisk evening walk
no one with whom I could talk
but I had the houses in a row
filled to their glimmering eyes with snow

I believe using the right word depends(glimmering, shining) eh a bit uncomfortable
perhaps largely on how comfortable the word feels

as in the last line there are other words that would feel better
shimmering pane with snow feels so much better to me

I would say it depends on the author what words they use
a big mistake authors make when rhyming is throwing in a word just for the sake of the rhyme i is very easy to detect this as most times it just doesn't make much sense

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

thing which will help everybody in trying to determine which words work best is to read this (or any poem including our own) out loud. It never ceases to amaze me how this simple thing can show rhythm faults which then often lead to better word choices. And this works in both rhyming poems as well as free verse. I'll post the original of this verse tomorrow (Tuesday) evening as well as the poem it is part of.

One thing to always keep in mind is that there is usually more than one word which works well in a given situation. So to claim perfection is kinda hard to do. Thanks for your joining in the discussion Chrys..........stan

author comment

I had for my (cold) evening walk
(nobody)with whom (I could) talk
But I had the (cottages) in a row
(Filled) to their (shining ) eyes with snow.

I had for my chilly evening walk
No one with whom I wanted to talk
But I had the buildings in a row
Covered to their blinding eyes with snow.

I think of snow as blinding me as it has done me. I see the snow on covered atop of buildings. I usually see ppl when I'm walking and have no desire to talk to anybody. Lol chilly evening. Bur bur

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

See now there is a totally different out look and that is what makes which word we use so interesting. it also changed the entire mood of the poem. Interesting what a little tweak here and there does isn't it

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

Just a word here and there Can change the mood of a poem. It will be interesting to see ya'lls reactions to the entire poem

author comment

I'm born to change the mood something. Lol. With just one word.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I had for my (cold) evening walk
(no)with whom (I could) talk
But I had the (cottages) in a row
(Filled) to their (shining ) eyes with snow

I had for my late evening walk
No one with whome I could talk
But I had the trees in a row
stuffed to their shining eyes with snow.

Not sure about the trees having eyes,but...

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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sure trees can have eyes they can have anything you want them to

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

I had for my (cold) evening walk
(nobody)with whom (I could) talk
But I had the (cottages) in a row
(Filled) to their (shining ) eyes with snow

The meter is dactyl and that's what I would fix in lines 3 & 4. Their last foot doesn't finish the line:

But I had the cottages in a (tight) row
filled to their shining eyes with the bright snow.

I would leave the first two lines alone except for "nobody". That is simply and ugly word.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I had for my (cold) evening walk
(nobody)with whom (I could) talk
But I had the (cottages) in a row
(Filled) to their (shining ) eyes with snow

I had for my short evening walk
nobody with whom I could talk
But I have the houses in a row
Filled to their small eyes with snow

The eyes in the last line refers to window.

Alid

has done well in guessing as well as supplying alternate words which shows that there can be more than a single right word and a plethora of good words. I see a few participants have not joined in yet so I'm going to wait a few more hours before posting the entire poem from which this stanza came.

Wes has brought forward the idea that "nobody" is an ugly word in and of itself which leads to the question.....Are there such things as ugly words and if there are might they still have a place in poetry?

author comment

yes there are ugly words and they do have a place in poetry. It would depend largely on what one is writing about

and there are words that individuals do not like and find ugly making it their personal preference

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

But they should be used sparingly and only in poetry which is meant to cover an ugly subject

author comment

very true

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

I don't think any word is ugly. Some words are used that don't fit

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

well a word is perfect for ONE
and
perfectly imperfect
for another
SOME ONE

I just saw SNOW use dactyl stuff...
I have just been drowned by such words... trochee ....dactyl... iambic etc

Iamb (Iambic)Unstressed + StressedTwo Syllables
Trochee (Trochaic)Stressed + UnstressedTwo Syllables
Spondee (Spondaic)Stressed + StressedTwo Syllables
Anapest (Anapestic)Unstressed + Unstressed + StressedThree Syllables
Dactyl (Dactylic)Stressed + Unstressed + UnstressedThree Syllables
Pyrrhic (Noun and Adjective)Unstressed + UnstressedTwo Syllables
Amphibrach (Amphibrachic)Unstressed + Stressed + UnstressedThree Syllables

and
so i feel my correcting Frost
would be short of Blasphemy
as I have read the original
next one please

All those meters try my skills also lol. But not to worry as this shop will not require labeling them. I was afraid somebody might identify this poem as one by Frost. Doesn't really matter though as we are going to twist it and abuse it till it screams. For those who don't know the poem from which that stanza was taken, here it is :

GOOD HOURS

I had for my winter evening walk
no one at all with whom to talk.
But I had the cottages in a row
up to their shining eyes in snow.

And I thought I had the folk within,
I had the sound of a violin.
I had a glimpse through curtain laces
of youthful forms and youthful faces.

I had such company outward bound.
I went till there were no cottages found.
I turned and repented, but coming back
I saw no window but that was black.

Over the snow my creaking feet
disturbed the slumbering village street
like profanation, by your leave
at ten o'clock on a winter eve.
.......Robert Frost

author comment

Your descriptions are clean, concise and correct. I will look for flawless meter from you hence forth.
Get your mind set around a workshop on the sonnet that I will be holding in the Shark Pool. It will address the form in the strictest classical terms. Not for the faint of heart. You are invited.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

The descriptions and meter are Frost's not mine. I can dream of one day writing such a poem as this one though. And yes, I'll join your cussed sonnet shop. Those things drive me to despair at ever getting one right lol.....stan

author comment

Now you can see how close you got to choosing the words which the original author considered "right".
Barbara mentioned changing the mood of a poem. So we are going to go off track for a bit and study how a few words being changed Can alter the mood of an entire poem. Since you have all already dealt with one stanza of the above poem and since the poem is fairly short we'll continue working with it for this exercise. I see the mood of this poem to be fairly neutral, maybe a bit contemplative. It just talks of a presumably older guy taking a familiar evening winter stroll. So let's change that mood lol. I'll set the new mood in the first 2 lines. Then ya'll complete the poem while reinforcing the mood. Change no more than 2 words in any one line and no more than 2 lines in any stanza. For benefit of non-shop members please post your altered poems both here and on stream. The poems on stream need to have (right word) next to title ans also need to note that the poem is an alteration of a Frost poem so nobody will think we're plaigerizing.

Good Hours (right word shop)
I had not for this winter evening walk
my just passed friend with whom to talk
...............Mood is now set let's see ya'll run with it...............stan

author comment

I am confused. You gave us two lines ok we are to complete the poem ok so then if we are completing the poem how can we change no more than 2 words in any one line and no more than two lines in any stanza
if we are to complete the poem then all of the words are new except for the first two lines
is it just that I am not understanding your instructions or if we are using Frost's poem shouldn't the entire poem be posted

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

You may be correct about instructions not being clear enough. And a comment on down is likely also correct in that I should supple an example..Perhaps giving said example will clear thing up so scroll on down

author comment

are you expecting a gloomy, dark mood to take place by the change you've done in the first two lines?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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necessarily. Think more in terms of a guy who is used to sharing his walk but whose companion recently passed away. The poem could go from gloomy to fond rememberings..........stan

author comment

I changed only two words and not the meter. Dark and sad it is I hope.

I had not for this winter evening walk
my just passed friend with whom to talk.

But I had bleak cottages in a row
up to their darkened eyes in snow.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

You need to write the entire poem to fit your chosen mood. (per instructions). We are not going to make this a round robin poem in which each person writes only a part and thus forces the next person to follow the mood.Should actually be easier because ya'll will have more freedom of expression and more room in which to set the mood (or even a change of mood within the poem)

author comment

Am a little tied up at the moment to concentrate on the workshop I don't really like being tied up contrary to some opinions, I will try and find a space for the workshop at this weekend, Yours, Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

make sure the lady who tied you up doesn't have a whip lol..........stan

author comment

the rest of it turns suddenly dreary. As though changing the tint on the glass at the beginning alters the rest without changing a word. I can find no way to make the poem drearier than it already is.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

All I did with my 2 lines was introduce the recent death of a friend. This Does Not require that the rest of the poem be gloomy. The protagonist can easily recall happy times you know.
But in any case I see I need to supply an example of how a few words here and there can make a big difference in a poem and perhaps even display a change in mood within a poem. Gonna take me a few minute to come up with something (I didn't do this to start because I didn't want to lead ya'll in a particular direction). I'll do a rewrite and post it this evening asap...........stan

author comment

from the shop leader.
Any way I have already submitted mine. Not very happy though. Please let me know what everyone thinks.

I had not for this winter evening walk
my just passed friend with whom to talk.
Along I had the trees in a row
whispering playful sounds there came slow.

There I summoned the memories within,
They played the sound of a violin.
The glimpse of the past interlaced
The youthful forms were easily traced.

I had the pleasing laughter bound.
It evoked in me a sound so loud.
but when I alone headed home back
the glimpse of the light dimmed, all went black.

Over the snow the memories bleed
and melted there, could never proceed
like profanation, by your leave
at ten o'clock on a winter eve.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

forth coming

author comment

Mea culpa, I changes 3 words in two of the lines lol. But I also only changed one in one of the lines, but I Did only change 2 lines per stanza. So here it is :

I had not for this winter evening walk 2
my just passed friend with whom to talk 3
but I had the cottages in a row
up to their shining eyes in snow

And I thought about the folk within 2
I had the sound of a violin,
I had a glimpse through curtain laces
of youthful forms and smiling faces. 1

I had such thoughts while outward bound 2
I went till there were no cottages found.
I turned and smiled on coming back. 2
I saw no window but was black.

Over the snow my creaking feet
woke memories on the village street 3
happy memories, by your leave 2
at ten o'clock on a winter eve.

* I hope the mood changed from sad to happy. PS I put the number of words which were changed at the end of the lines where they were changed to make for easy comparison. Ya;ll don't need to do the same

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I've entered mine to the stream. I don't
follow instructions very well, so I hope I got this. If not spit it out and I'll revise lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I had not for this winter evening walk
my just passed friend with whom to talk.
But I had the cottages in a row
up to their shining eyes in snow.

And I thought I had the memories within, 2
Alike the sound of a violin. 1
I had a glimpse through curtain laces
of youthful forms and youthful faces.

I had such company outward bound.
I went till there were no cottages found.
I turned and repented, but coming back
I saw a shadow, but that was a spark. 3

Over the snow my creaking feet
haunted the oblivion in village street 2
the nightmares of your leave 1
at ten o'clock on a winter eve.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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With the few changes in the first stanza this generally reflective poem becomes (without alteration or seemingly even with) a melancholy soliloquy. Even Rula's changes can't break the lonely feeling in this poem that wasn't all that lonely before.
Talk about the right words.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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that the number of the words to change is too limited to change the mood. Whatever the alternatives used.
I give up.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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As you have shown it Can be done. This has gone from reflective to haunting and you did it with a minimum of changes. I don't expect master pieces in this exercise, just a bit of practice in thinking about imparting mood with just a few words.........stan

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I will post a poem by a known author with some key words left blank. We will then fill in the blanks and see how much this changes the poem. But not today, I have a migraine which is rare for me..........stan

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I've been off line a few days but will post the next exercise tonight......stan

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hold your breath waiting on me getting my act together lol

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The following is a poem by Philip Larkin. In the places where (--) appear I have deleted a word. What ya'll need to do is think of a word to replace the deleted words with then post your version of this poem on stream (don't forget to put "right word shop" notation next to title so everybody can easily recognize that it's a shop poem).
And don't worry about your word choice being somehow wrong. As long as you put thought into your choices they will be suitable. I will post the original poem on stream Monday or Tuesday so we can compare word choices with the original. Have fun..........stan
TREES by Philip Larkin

The trees are (----) into leaf
Like (---) almost being said
The recent buds (---) and spread
Their greenness is a kind of grief

Is it that they are (---) again
And we (---) old? No, they (---) too
Their yearly trick of looking new
Is written down in rings of grain

Yet still the unresting (----) thresh
In fullgrown (---) every May
Last year (---) (----) they seem to say,
Begin afresh, afresh, (---)

* take note that this is a rhyming metered poem which should make word choices a bit easier . If you read your version aloud and it has rhythm stumbles it is likely because your word is either too long or too short.

author comment

Gonna take some time before I can come up with something.

Alid

looked for a short poem so it wouldn't be Too tough lol. No time limit, just do the best you can..........stan

author comment

Have fun..LOVE..Stan
TREES by Philip Larkin

The trees are (bursting) into leaf
Like (whispers) almost being said
the recent buds (grow) and spread
their greenness is a kind of grief

Is it that they are (whole) again
and we (grow) old? No, they (will) too
their yearly trick of looking new
Is written down in rings of grain

Yet still the unresting (boughs) thresh
In full grown (splendour) every May
Last year (sweet) (memory) they seem to say,
Begin afresh, afresh, (enmesh)

With thanks to the original great poet,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Be sure to post your version on stream

author comment

I have posted this piece to stream under your workshop hope it's up to what you are looking for..
Yours as always, Ian.

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Here's the original poem by Philip Larkin :

The Trees

The trees are coming into leaf
like something almost being said
the recent buds relax and spread
their greenness is a kind of grief

Is it that they are born again
and we grow old? No, they die too
their yearly trick of looking new
is written down in rings of grain

Yet still the unresting castles thresh
in fullgrown thickness every May
last year is dead they seem to say
begin afresh, afresh, afresh

Go ahead and compare your versions with this one. I suspect you will find, as I did, that many of your words work as well as the original pot's words lol.

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Everybody has written a poem in which they are not satisfied with part of the word usage. And everybody has read a poem in which they thought a better word could be found here and there. So in this last exercise I want each of you (and me) to look back on your writings and choose a poem of your own with which you are not satisfied. One where you Know just a few word changes at the right places would make a big difference. Then post your poem both on this thread and on stream with the usual "workshop" notation beside the title. It can then gather comments while we wait for all to post their "failed" poem. Once they are all posted I will assign another workshop member to study the poem and replace a few words here and there. Try to get maximum effect with minimum changes............have fun

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Man!
I see you
in the beauty of
the super moon,
in summer's boons,
and in the evergreens.

I see you
in the strength
of the water falls,
in thunder's sound,
and in the storms.

I see you
in the softness
of the snow flakes,
in May's buds,
and in autumn's tumbling leaves.

I see you
differently
in different moons,

because
you are human!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

lol

author comment

Love was everywhere
In high school
girls and boys made babies

but boys would say
“It's not my baby”

girls with big bellies
looked a fool
in the end
with no baby daddy.

in my heart, I said
“I'm not falling in love
with a boy

or having sex”.

“he won't treat me that way”
“No” was my favorite word
ever since first grade”.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Though I also posted on the stream as I was instructed. I hate this poem.

Those birds I ponder near my house
Have holes in trees as flitter mouse,
Except they flitter through the day.

Such grating songs they always play,
Part cuckoo screeches calling loud,
All arrogance and preening proud.
Right rudely do they guard the nests-
Rough arguments; effusive pests.
Oh, sparrows are a noisome bunch
When break my fast and spoil my lunch.

And when of wind they might run dry,
Nowhere is there a silent sigh.
Damn chickadees now chide and bitch.

The rant is as a scratchless itch.
Hell hath no music like their “song”.
Eccentric ghosts of fools gone wrong?

Condemn me to this sentence cruel!
High note and low, while on the stool,
I ever must endure the wail.
Cacophony of Cosmic scale
Kills love of nature’s keen delight.
All breeds of bird engage to fight.
Don’t get me wrong, aggression moves
Each passive creature and improves
Each generation in due course.

A crow will fight a hawk perforce
Resulting in a stronger house.
E’en sparrows will a pecking louse

Molest when more than wood he seeks,
Although ‘tis when to nests he peeks
That chickadees become aroused.
In this is nature’s wisdom housed.
Not though, in couplings base, unmeet.
God turns his ear from blended tweet.

In hovels of the maple tree
Not one, but count too vast to see,
The birds are hatching half breed spawn!
Enough! The deed leaves Gaea thrawn!
Revolting is the hybrid deed.
An action that perverts the seed.
Chicks half and half and in same nest.
Indeed, this makes an evil pest.
Alright, I’ve had my racist rant.
Look not for me in black currant.
Look not for me where they might sing.
You have to know I hate the spring.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

We're to be assigned a poem to "help"?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Comp melted down and I'm just now back on line with a replacement (Dang! these things are expensive). I will post my poem which needs help Monday. But the poems which are posted are to be reworked as follows : Wes you will rework Barbara's poem,, Barb you will rework My yet to be posted poem,, Rula you will rework Barb's and I'll see what I can do with Wesley's.
Since my absence has caused this shop to run long, let's try to wrap up by next Sunday if we can so other shops can begin.......stan

author comment

It is apparent that my extended absence from this shop due to comp problems has damaged this shop beyond repair. I want to thank you all for having participated and hope you all got at least a little bit out of having done so. But now instead of beating what has become a dead horse, I' closing this shop.......stan

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