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Yuck !

Ache dulls my heart,
my sensations.
With air I inhale
blood's adoration
all around
I could only see limbs
and tossed cut- heads.
No sound of birds' chirps
None, but of bullets'
Then when I come
to rejoice the petals
of the red rose,
to my disgust
They bleed.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
The is written about what is happening in Syria mainly and many places around the world..
Editing stage: 

Comments

It is so important to personalise the atrocities of this world, it brings it home to the reader and possibly causes more motivation to change.

I also like the freeform, in my opinion it creates greater impact.
I admire this poem.

i applude
Effective.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

The least to say is that you made my day,sir.
Thank you .

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

i realy envy your talent.!Keep up the good work!

alid

very powerful

i have one tiny suggestion (lol surprise, surprise..)
'they disgustingly start
bleeding'

'disgustingly' just sounds awkward to my ear

would you consider
'to my disgust
they bleed'

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

dear Judy
I miss you too much and just hope to see you soon.
Edits done.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Reality is thrown at us in a surrealistic manner
in the war of the blood,
while the birds innocently wonder in silence,
we humans manage to make hell and heaven
in equal measure,
this is a strong poem Rula.

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

to hear from you dear Anna

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

It makes me think of a sort of Haiku I once wrote...

Red snow
a wreath of roses
paper flowers

I was walking in the graveyard and saw these.

Love AnnW

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

I wonder about the title, "yack" can be used as a slang term for vomit, which would seem to me to trivialise it.

What meaning of the word did you have in mind?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

make a better sense now?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

things one sees around, cut limbs and heads , blood smell everywhere...and more

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Is the title word you are looking for "Yuck" which is an expression for something not good, off, or just sick to the mind.
An expression that I will look up later but I have used in the past for dislike.
Something is yuck, not good..
Great write, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

dear Ian. It describes what I wanted to say.
I'll edit right away.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Glad that I could be of help, The title had been bothering me for a while, the word is not even Slang it is now a everyday word in the dictionary. Have a great day yours, Ian.

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Ian

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

No one could read this poem and not be effected by the sense of shear horror and desperation it evokes - which is made more poignant in the last few line. This is dramatically descriptive - and emotionally moving, all the more so knowing it's based on reality. Living this kind of reality is beyond my comprehension, I think Yuck suits the poem very well.

"Bloody Hell" maybe another good one!

Thanks for sharing Rula!

Love Mand xxxxx

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