Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Your budgie loves you

Your budgie loves you dearly,
He loves his gilt abode;
He really loves you, clearly,
Abounding love is owed.
You perch-ased him a lovely swing,
He loves to flit and roost,
He loves to swing and do his thing ~
His boredom is reduced.

You pamper him, he loves your stroke,
He risks a loving peck;
He nips your finger, that's no joke!
But he thinks 'What the heck!'
Your budgie loves you ~ his best friend ~
And sings and chats with you;
He'll be your soulmate to the end
Repaying love that's due.

You open out your window wide
He loves the draughty flow;
He breathes the fresh air deep inside
And loves the breezy blow.
You open up his gilded door
To feed him lovely grain:
He loves the open window for
He's never seen again.

ASJ

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

if anything, it will serve to caution owners of budgies, to make sure that all avenues of escape are secured! I liked the rhyme and it flowed well from beginning to end. Your title is good, the language use good and the logic is flawless. I know people that have lost their birds due to some moment of distraction or other happenstance. Were it to happen in a tropical or semi-tropical environment, it may be that they would survive, however, here in the Northeast, it is not likely. A timely warning, well told! ~ Geezer.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

I thought Geezer. Poetry comes in all forms and I think people like poems featuring birds. Your critique, of course, is very important ~ I think you read it exactly as I intended.

A quotation from 'Rita Heyworth and the Shawshank redemption' :-

'Some birds aren't meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure'. ~ Stephen King

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

let my wingless
broken wing kid parrot go
He swished by before
I COULD EVEN IMAGINE
and said good bye

I ran after it but in vain
A fortnight later
when he healed up
he came and took a few nuts from my open palm
touched me insane
but flew
never to come again

love their custodians very much ~ but there is nothing, but nothing, equal to being FREE.

Thanks for dropping by to see me lovedly. You are always, but always, so welcome.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

to read lovedly

I found this write both uplifting and amusing. I had a budgie at one time he did talk and some of the vocabulary was x rated thanks to the ex husbandlol

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)
join us for chat every [email protected];30 pm est

and commenting lynn. I've done a few light hearted poems, mainly for fun, and I like to think that people enjoy them for what they are ~ not masterpieces but fun nevertheless. Sometimes our schools ask for examples and use them in class. I don't use bad words (unlike your budgie) so teachers can trust my things are young person friendly. Call in for a chat anytime you feel like it lynn, I look forward to talking with you soooooon.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.