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THAT YOUNG GIRL

A summer eve
a baseball game
a girl who didn't
know my name

A nervous boy
made a call
to she who soon
became my all

Years of sharing
stars above
turned mere passion
into true love

Marriage and kids
soon raised and gone
a single soul
that I lean on

Years like pages
in a long book
I see that young girl
each time I look

*for Susan after 38 years

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Its wonderful shes your muse. Your lucky to have such a wife to give you visions. Shes your Aisling

John

Simple words but full of love ..Congratulations for both of you!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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may you have another 38 and more stan
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

You are right about my being lucky.............stan

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No matter how long I gaze, I'll always see that young girl I saw that night............stan

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Thank you very much.............stan

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I hope she can put up with me One more year much less 38 lol............stan

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A nervous boy
made a call
to she who soon
became my all

Years of sharing
stars above
turned mere passion
into love

phone is not necessary, true is a loss, but hear how it scans better?

Oh wait, I forgot, you don't speak English, you speak South Carolinan

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Kind of amazing that though I speak Carolina southern and you speak Australian we still both can read English lol. I'll think about those changes. I used true to give a bit od alliteration . Might be a mistake in a minimalist poem like this. Thanks for coming by and dropping off some suggestions. Now I'll get out my Aussie- Southern dictionary and see if I can interpret them lmao..............stan

author comment

that dictionary has been suppressed by the CIA to prevent an outbreak of open warfare between Australia and South Carolina.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Who was it said "Americans and British are two people separated by a common language"? I guess the same hold true for Australians lol...........stan

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Thank you Lonnie. With a bit of luck maybe we'll make it to 39 lol...............stan

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