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you'll be enticed

what ever you may say
I shall entice you one day
the charm of a woman
none can resist
no matter how much
one does persist.

I will entice you one day,
if it is not today,
at least
some other day

with all the experience
behind my years
I know by now
what only a girl can do
without any fear,
no matter what her intentions be
her lover that can never see…

how I’ll entice
you’ll never know,
for every guy has a price….

he goes running like mad
when he has laid his mind,
but her enticing ways
one can never find.

only a woman carries that charm,
she is lightening,
he is sound,
the cloud does burst,
there is a sound,
but heard much later,
as lightening flashes,
that much faster

I’m that lightening,
that will consume you
in the vehicle of time
beyond space
where there will be left of you,
no solid trace.
in the far folds of time,
you will be forgotten,
like the boy king
Tutankhamen.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

struck and stuck. Struck at the stark simplicity of your thoughts and stuck with the meter scheme and rhyme.
You always leave me wondering at your purpose. I read most everything you post, but I don't always comment.
Do you ever join any workshops? You might find some little pleasure in a rhyme and meter shop. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

but poetry
I still compose
no... no wonders it be
yet so many read including Jess..
i composed since i was three naturally

loved

author comment

this was very, very good and read quite well, I think that the reference in the last couple of lines could be better but that's just me being picky..
Take care young Bard, Keep writing, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

read my comment for Geezer above..

composed over two years ago

loved

author comment

sorry.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

also an unwarranted comment
does not fit into ethics of NEOPOETS
Sorry JESS...

loved

author comment
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