Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

You will be the Hero

You will be the Hero
Ocean starts from a drop and
A mountain is from tiny sand
World starts from a cell
Why did you forget this friend?
Every day dawns with a dim light
Every hero comes as a child
Nothing starts as gigantic in its start
How you can for get this friend
Your fingers are equal to ten galaxies
It can pave a path to all planets
Your thoughts will weave a cloth to sky
Your eyes will create new world
Now or tomorrow you may die
Your days have to be a history to this world
Your steps will have to be a way to future
Raise my men
To raise yourself as God and above the God
Create a new planet
To live all with all comforts
Plant gold and silver in the earth and
Harvest for other’s need
Shed your tears for other’s pains
You will be the Hero for ever

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Editing stage: 

Comments

nice to meet you

I really like this write, but I would personally drop the ending as it becomes a little ‘teachy’        

I would also remove a few superfluous words, and divide it into stanzas for better emphasis on your points

here are my suggestions – but please remember this is imo only

I have placed parenthesis around the words I feel need attention –

Ocean starts from a drop and
A mountain ( delete 'is' ) from tiny sand
World starts from a cell
Why did you forget this friend?

Every day dawns with (delete 'a' ) dim light
(Every/ change to 'each') hero comes as a child
Nothing starts ( delete 'as' ) gigantic (delete 'in its start')
How you can (for get / forget - one word) this friend 

Your fingers are equal to ten galaxies
(It / change to 'they' – refers to fingers - pleural) can pave a path to all planets
Your thoughts (delete will) weave a cloth to ( add ’the’) sky
Your eyes (delete will) create new world (make ‘worlds’)
  - or Your eyes (delete will) create  (add ‘a’)  new world

Now or tomorrow you may die
Your days (delete have to be) a history to this world
Your steps (delete will have to be) a way to future
 

(this final stanza I would drop totally – but again that is just me)

Raise my men
(delete To) raise yourself as God and above the God
Create a new planet
To live all with all comforts

maybe keep these 3 verses)
Plant gold and silver in the earth and
Harvest for other’s need
Shed your tears for other’s pains

You will be the Hero for ever
(I would definitely drop this one, you are just repeating the title, and I think this would work better if you keep it subliminal – again, just me)

as i said I really enjoyed this write

love judy

xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.