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YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME

Looking back at the day we met
From where I’m sitting sulking now
I regret what made me ask you out
I made jokes with cordiality
You spoke eagerly and giggled
Your voice sounded like an angel
Your smile stole my tactless presence

Reaching home, I told my people
They stared with concealed cautious look
Thinking I was pulling their legs
We moved in as one ever since
You say you love me, state again
The things you do, query your claim
Hot tears run down my face freely

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

The bones of the write are there, the rhyme was missing in many places..
Let it sing even if it is a sorrowful song it still has one, Sit again let the tears flow and let the poem sing, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

The tears are dried now and what remain are only hiccups. Patterns and rhythms are all I seek and the rhymes will follow. Thank you for the bashing and pushing, I appreciate your encouragement. Best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

Love a womanwho loves you.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

In spite of the smooth curves of an egg, round, it is meant to be, there is always a 'but'. The air inside makes it hard to remain round when cooked. Sometimes, people pretain to show love and affection when all they do is to scheme for their selfish aims. It could be late to find out and retract steps or go to the grave with delusion. Thank you for the comments and best wishes.

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

I see you have been polishing your meter. Much better,
I applaud you

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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