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You that hides

There are times as the Oceans
you are so restless that it's hard to see
To see the real you who wanders from soul to soul
Learn to drift in peace
that will be as a calm of oil covered seas.

Let not the troubles of others boil the waters that you are.
Be at peace with yourself and learn to play as the sea plays
There you must touch the shore little waves reaching out
Turn the mighty stones of the universe into sand .

Make smooth the stones as you throw them to the shore
Learn to move as the greatest depths of your being
Slowly encompass all things within your reach.
be as one with yourself.
Take unto you others that they may enjoy your peace.

Place them safely on the shores when you move in anger
For as the ocean there are times that you can be wild within your being
Take not the souls of those that you love with you in fury.
Your power is too great for their fragile minds.

Capture things within your waters that are pleasing to your ways
Use the ways of old to be at peace with the world
You will need to move more as a gentle entity
Let the storms rage only on the surface.

Take nothing in that belongs to others if they don't understand
We know you can hold them in suspension without harm
Hold the ones that fear their own ways as you would a child.
Then all your days will be as a new dawn to your eyes.
Take care as you move in future days
Your strength is great, I would feel safe on your waters
But most cannot see the real you.


Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Just a wet jotting lol
Editing stage: 


Does create a mood, mixed between a public stance (telling the reader what to do or not to do) and private ( the “I”).
I have two confusions. The “you “seems to change from addressing the ocean and the reader, and I’m not sure which you mean in certain parts. And “oil covered seas”in the beginning sets me off into thinking this is a poem about environmental issues, the oil leaking covering the water in spills. But with no further reference to that it doesn’t fit, it pulls me in the wrong direction There are good ocean imagery in the poem which help guide it

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

“oil covered seas” It is a reference to putting oil on troubled waters .. It is supposed to smooth out the surface, something to do with surface tension. Thanks for your visit and comment, Yours Ian ..

Words can build a nation

author comment

Ian. I think that this is an ok 'jotting' which doesn't need much work.
I think that it's a good theme to talk to me about so I'll listen.
The internal logic of the narrator is good although Stanza 2, L3 doesn't make much sense to me. Is that how it is intended to read?
Overall an enjoyable read so well done.

Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan

Thank you for your visit to my cave, the piece was hurried and just to keep me in the circuit.
I have fixed the bad line that was there I shall have to read more not only of others but mine also lol..
Thanks again take care and enjoy everything ..
Yours, Ian

Words can build a nation

author comment
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