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You Care.

Submitted by scooby on Sun, 2017-04-23 15:23

I lived my life with secrets that no
one cares to dig into. No one cares
enough to ask why I always wear my
jacket. No one cares enough to stay
after I ask them to leave. No one
cares enough to try for me. And I
don't care for myself either. That
was until you finally came into my life.

You asked me "Don't you know the
components of the air that you breath?
You can't fool me. I know that life
itself is slowly killing you." you cared
enough to worry. You cared enough
to look at what I was feeling. You
cared enough to tell me. You cared
enough to try.

You cared enough to ask me my favorite
color, and then asked my why. "Black is
my favorite color because it's the color
that is with me through everything. and
all I need to do to see it is close my eyes.
Black cares for me, like you do." We would
talk all night on skype. I love you.

And I'll always visit you and bring you
flowers on Monday, I'll make sure the flowers
I bring to your grave are your favorite color
purple. Because I care for you. Because
you cared for me, as much as you could.

That's when I noticed that we don't live
for ourselves. We live to care for others
as much as we can. If we did live for
ourselves we would be dead. I miss you,
I love you, I care for you.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

jane210660

Mon, 2017-04-24 04:15

A very raw and intense write,

A very raw and intense write, I like the journey it takes the reader through.
I've read a few of your poems, Scooby and they always make me stop and think.
Sometimes the meter doesn't run smoothly (well to my ears), so I wonder if you'd like to join Wesley's workshop which starts on Saturday and runs through May.
It's not like school - she adds quickly, just a bunch of us poets here, learning a bit more about our craft, and having a bit of fun on the way.
The link is here if you'd like to have a look.
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/meter-workshop
Cheers Jx

------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

Geezer

Mon, 2017-04-24 11:36

Yes, join us...

I'll be there and I hope that you will be too! I really like the intensity that you write with and hope that you will find it a valuable tool to put in your box. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Esker

Mon, 2017-04-24 22:30

care

now i wear black
only cause i want to show my eyes
grey...
my friends had homes...inheritance
they could spend fretful times
and the girls on my arm i fought
for with ego and intellect not arms
had their dazzlements and everyone
had issues..
fighting their demons and oft dying
of them.with them.
neglect of the self
they too required care
but some were like sinking
no other way to put it
health...life sometimes just
grabs you by the ankle
and pulls you overboard
been there a few times
my old chums
of the thin jacket eighties
have families some
others just make it month
to month...doc trips
blood renewal
cancer remission
etc...
we age...experience
and come to terms
and sometimes we dont
forget those who
were there when we
could not for ourselves
though they saw the
worth...
sometimes it feels
and seems worthless
but its not
there are many
though rare who
love life and give
i saw the old and young
takers..walk right off
the plank wondering
what was wrong
surrounded by the
bitterness anger
and frustration
of all their treasures
or lack therof

not me man...i kick it
up....i make friends
drive em off.
only the hardy remain
but i miss those that
are gone
felt good those smiles
still does..

keep up the good fight
i like your writing like
the others..
they are more then
knowledged and helpful

thank U

wesley snow

Fri, 2017-06-09 13:50

The workshop is over...

but the mentor program is alive and ready to help you grow if you are interested.
Your word craft deserves a little understanding of meter and other structures of poetry.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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You Care.