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WITH YOU

WITH YOU,
I had a fighting chance.
WITHOUT YOU,
I have to pay in advance.

WITH YOU,
I found a reason to believe.
WITHOUT YOU,
I'm absent without leave.

WITH YOU,
I lived in the sun.
WITHOUT YOU,
Nothing is fun.

WITH YOU,
I could see a light.
WITHOUT YOU,
I have no sight.

WITH YOU,
I felt the riches.
WITHOUT YOU,
I wear big girl britches.

WITH YOU,
The waters were warm.
WITHOUT YOU,
I'm preparing for the storm.

WITH YOU,
I believed in tomorrow.
WITHOUT YOU,
I know pain and sorrow.

WITH YOU,
Everything was easy.
WITHOUT YOU,
Nothing can please me.

WITH YOU,
I believed in fate.
WITHOUT YOU,
I can only hate.

WITH YOU,
I believed in God.
WITHOUT YOU,
I face the firing squad.

WITH YOU,
I felt alive.
WITHOUT YOU,
It's crash and dive.

WITH YOU,
I could see.
WITHOUT YOU,
There is no me.

Turbo1904 ♥

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I love the depth of emotion you displayed in this poem, and the repetition was really powerful. As someone who recently endured heartbreak I related to your message on an emotional level. Very well written

A lot of emotion came with this one. I have recently divorced after 10 years. Thank you for your kind words.

Best Wishes,
Turbo1904

author comment

excellent...all is perfect and I have no suggestions, very smooth! it was hard to choose, but I decided I like these lines best:

WITH YOU,
I felt the riches.
WITHOUT YOU,
I wear big girl britches.

great write!
*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Hello Cat, glad you enjoyed it. I wrote it right after my wife ran out the back door. She has not returned; it has been 18 months. I have come to the place of her leaving was, and it is a blessing. It took some time for me to see it. I had some dark days with that one.

Best Wishes,
Turbo1904

author comment

it is understandable that you would feel that way. I'm glad you have come to a place where you can live without. it is a big step you have taken.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Beautifully worded! I liked how the rhyming pattern alternates.

Nice work!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Thank you for your review of my poem. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Best Wishes,
Turbo1904

author comment

Only changes I'd suggest is to change WITH YOU and WITHOUT YOU. To With You and Without You. Makes it read like I'm not being shouted out......get enough of That at home lol

It's just a plain truth @ Scribbler!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

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