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The Wolf
The Wolf
Standing still…
ears cocked forward
listening watching anticipating.
Large head teeth mane.
Powerful beautiful.
Creeping forward determination.
Eyes locked.
Legs moving in silence
holding up a lean body.
Grey white camouflage.
Unseen unheard in motion.
Almost there…
discovered!
Rapid heartbeat
chasing overcoming it’s prey.
Silence...
Grey white red.
By: Sharon Jones
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I have intentionally spaced the words to show caution as the wolf slowly creeps toward it's prey.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Thu, 2014-02-27 06:18
that's really good
Sharon. I could see the wolf and its prey.
I thought you need to add some come commas, especially line 3 and the last line.
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redbaronj
Thu, 2014-02-27 20:19
Commas
Rula, I intentionally left out commas to slow the poem down. However, there is supposed to be three spaces between the words to slow it. The program wouldn't let me do it for some reason.
Listening watching anticipating.
author commentRula
Thu, 2014-02-27 06:26
why don't
You join Stan's latest workshop about imagery, there iis lots of fun and new things to learn.
I have already joined.
Find here
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/view/13807
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redbaronj
Thu, 2014-02-27 20:15
Workshop
When do you get together or how does it work? I would like to join but I work swing shift.
author commentwesley snow
Thu, 2014-02-27 08:06
Okay, I hate poetry without punctuation.
However, here I think it is appropriate. This is excellent minimalist poetry. In fact I would have used line spaces to increase the slow tension. You could even use an ellipsis (...) here and there. They are technically used to replace words or phrases in a sentence that are not actually being written. There is much here between the words of the wolf and the lines of the wolf.
I like the poem very much.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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redbaronj
Thu, 2014-02-27 20:07
Thanks
Thank you so much for the review! The poem is actually supposed to have three spaces between words to slow it down. The program wouldn't allow me to keep the spacing for some reason.
Listening watching anticipating
author commentredbaronj
Thu, 2014-02-27 20:00
Spacing
The poem is supposed to have three spaces between words ie., ears cocked forward, listening watching anticipating, etc. However, the program wouldn't let me do it as I pasted it. When you read it, read it with spaces between words.
author commentwesley snow
Thu, 2014-02-27 22:12
When you paste...
go over it and add the spaces manually.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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wesley snow
Thu, 2014-02-27 22:13
Okay, maybe not.
I just tried it and it didn't work. I'll ask Jess.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about